Where's my happy ending?

I know you're supposed to wait for you happy ending, just like how those fairytale princesses waited for their prince in shining armor to arrive at their tower, but how much longer can i wait? It's like everyone around me is falling in love, while I'm just...falling. Don't you just hate falling? Especially for guys you know aren't in to you, but you still have that stupid lilttle fantasy dream that your prince charming will totally fall in love with you, the ugly step sister. Sorry girls but those kinds of happy endings only happen in fairy tales, and that's a lesson I had to learn the hard way. Of course the Barbie's and the Ken's will live in their Barbie Dreamhouse, but what about me? What ever happened to the down to earth girl who every guy loved and adored? Hell man, what am I talking about, I ain't either of those girls. I think I'll always be just "that" girl. It just seems like lately it's all I can ever think about, because I keep getting crushed by the so called love of my life. Is it just me, or am I the most pathetic piece of flesh left on this earth ?!?! Hmm....I think it *is* just me. I think the hardest part is, is having friends who are so pretty, so awesome, so much...*better* than you, and when they get their happy endings, it just makes me feel like the pile of crap they step on. It's just too hard to be happy for someone who got your happy ending. But who am I to stand in their way? Yes yes yes I AM jealous, but BITE ME. You can't blame me for just once, just *once* for wanting something, and actually...getting it. I guess that's how it works, two people, fall in love, and they live happily ever after. But for some people, you just live with those dried up tears on your cheeks. Because for all they know, those dried up tears were never really there...

"Preoccupied"

Arg, ever since I started going to private school, I've been so busy. -_- I miss writing in my blog, and just like venting my feelings :'( People at my private school are totally awesome. Well most of them are pretty...."okay", they're like into cliques and popularity, and into latest fashions and stuff. It's like some kind of "club" I'm just not in. It's so hard making a fresh start, cause you can't just change the person you were, it'll stick with you. I am stuck in the past, missing the people I have once held so dear, the promises that weren't kept. You never really know what it's like to be without someone, or something, until it's actually gone. :[ There's so much pressure now! It's like you think you can do this and that, but you get SO DISTRACTED MAN! You know, with walls, and...food....and walls...and paint on...walls. Hey we all get distracted by walls...OK I'M LEAVING! U GUYS ARE DISTRACTING ME WITH...walls....haha bye!

Simple Jealousy

The new girl on the swim team, she came horrible, it took her 2 weeks to become better than me. And a lot of other fast swimmers. She moved up into my group after 2 weeks on the swim team. It took me 10 months to move up to this group. She's really mean, and she has multiple personalities. When she comes to swim team, she's got all the coaches eating out of the palm of her hand. The reason why I'm jealous of her, and not the fastest girls on the swim team, is because they worked hard for what they earned, and they deserve every trophy, medal, and ribbon they ever got. She just comes, and she's great, and she's mean, and she's got me jealous. She's even got me crying. So, I guess, she wins. Because no matter how hard I work, I will never be as good, as talented, smart, or pretty as she is. I wanted to be remembered, I wanted to be remembered as the talented, fast girl, who everyone loved. Now that she came, compared to her, I'm nothing. Now, I'm going to just remembered, as that girl. She has taken all my dreams, all my hopes, all my friends, all my dignity, and she just crushed them. Right there. I still pretend sometimes though, that I'm the bigger person. Although I work harder than she does, and even though swimming is my life, and swimming is her hobby, no matter what I say, or do, or how many workouts I do...she'll still be, the perfect swimmer.

It hurts. It really does.

Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone gets punished. But sometimes when people make mistakes, they get physically hurt. I know, who would ever hurt their child? The thing is, that it really does happen. Some people just have a lot of rage and anger, and they need someone to take it out on. Some people just get mad, when their child does something stupid. But everyone makes mistakes. That doesn't give you the right to hit them. You want to teach them a lesson yea? Teach them a lesson the hard way yea? Well you shouldn't. You should never. Obviously what people don't realize is, that it hurts. It really does hurt. You feel scared, alone, confused, angry, helpless. When you hit someone, you not only physically hurt them, but you hurt them emotionally too. They'll be scarred for life. When they look back on their childhood, those bruises, those memories, that's what they're going to remember. It will never, ever be ok to hit someone. The pain is real. It hurts. It really does.

A hard worker, and don't you forget it

I'm am so physically out of shape. I'm shaped like a pear. And a pretty dang big one. I've always liked to pig out, and apparently, unlike the other girls, I got fat. Everyone told me that sooner of later I'd grow into my height. Obviously, later is more practical than sooner. But I work so hard to stay, somewhat healthy. Everytime I started a diet, I could never follow through. I'm about to be as heavy as my mother. Before, I was fat, but still looked reasonable in clothes. Now, I look like a pregnant teen!!! I keep telling myself. RESIST TEMPTATION!. But they're everywhere. Tasty oily foods. All my friends eat them. Their "healthy" diet will never catch up to them. Well, probably when they're dead and rotting in their coffin. But then again, they're rotting. I'm trying. Honestly. I LOVE TO COOK THOUGH! I just have to pre-occupy myself. Like reading.....hahahha whew that was funny. I'll think of something. I swim everyday and I'm trying really hard to qualify for state championships. But I need a QUAL time. And I have a B time. But I'm aging up. So my ONE little B time is going to turn into a C time. I don't want to get high blood pressure or high sugar blood like my parents. So I'll just have that as my inspiration. Time to pump up the diet.

What starts as a dream

I've always been the dreamer poet. The one that believes she'll be a big time writer. But I've always had those people, that told me I'd never make it. The kind of people, that told me I was nothing, that I'd never succeed in life, if I depended on my writing. Maybe they're right, but..., maybe they're wrong. What started as a hope for me, slowly turned into a dream. It was something I strived for, every single day of my life. Even though, I've been disappointed a couple of times, but what keeps me going on, is that deep inside my heart, my belief that I can make it, still burns. I know a miracle touches one soul out of all the others. But how I know my soul is going to be touched by a miracle. Is that I can stand up and say, I'm gonna be that one.

Oh, don't you just want to KILL HER.

Everyone knows her as the angel from above. I know her as the two faced brat she really is. She thinks she can start off fresh at our district swim team. Well honey, not here you can't. You might think you're pretty. You might even think you're nice. But here, you're nothing, you're the ground I walk on. You can't fool one of us darlin'. No one cares if you're too skinny. No one really cares, if you're too nice.. You might deceive some people, but you'll never be able to deceive yourself. You've betrayed those who have been loyal to you. You're no longer worthy, of me, or my friend.I might feel sorry for you. But I don't fear you. So bring it on, because as soon as everyone realizes that they've been fooled. They're gonna wonder who did it to them. Then they're gonna think of you. Then they're gonna rip you limb from limb. Oh don't worry. I'll be there....video taping the whole thing. So basically, I'll be right there with you. I don't care if you're nice, or mean, but I hate how you just can't seem to pick a personality. You're a horrid little witch at school, but as soon as you come to swim team practice, you're cinderella. Awwwww...don't you just want to, KILL HER.