*Sighz...* Take One Billion Three Hundred Thirty Two

I feel like a complete and total idiot, in a good way..if that's possible. Someone....I'm not saying who :-/ hid his stuff in the girl's bathroom. Which was really funny, because it was really in an empty locker XD. It was soooo cute and funny the way he was all panicky and looking for his laptop case, his planner, and his english binder =]. It's funny the way he smiles, even when he's all pissy. It's cute the way he's pissy, cause it's like... he doesn't really get mad, it's just idk. I ran outta words. I think this was one of the most best crushes I've ever had. Who knew someone could make you smile so much, even when you're at your worst.

*Sighz* Take 2...and Action!

Still can't stop thinking about him =] He's so cute too :P I have to restrain myself from hugging him, cause he doensn't like me, haha but it'd be so freaking awesome if he did! Then I wouldn't have to pretend to talk to my friend, when really I'm staring at his smile, which is still, cuter than ever :D He needs to take a hint already, like a clue should just hit him like BAM! His voice is so sweet and innocent, and he's so nice! There's not a day I don't think about him XD He should just come up to me and hug me =] then atleast one of my stupid lil fantasies would have come true. He won't tell me who he likes though which is like a sign or something....like a hidden message..something like...screw you @$$h0l3. But it's the nicest bitchy hidden message I could ever get from someone. =] i know how it's sooo stupid of me going through guy phase over and over again, but I can't help but pretend that he could actually like me..right? I have like this much of a chance with him ---> . <----- But that's better than nothing. Even though I'm always such a freaking j@ck@$$ to him, it's cause I can't think of a better way to hide my feelings for him. =] He'd file a restraining order against me if he knew *I* liked him...you know...considering it's me. But till that day he likes me too I'll be here waiting, and blogging my demented little daydreams =p

*Sighz*

It's official, I've been diagnosed with love sickness. It's like cupid got an arrow....no... it's more cupid got a sledgehammer.... This guy is so incredibly nice, and he never makes you feel stupid and awkward, even if you are stupid and awkward. He makes me want to hug him every time he smiles, he's just like an awesomely awesome teddy bear ! And OMG WHEN HE DOES SMILE *Faints*. His smile is like soooo... sweet and innocent and CUTE =]. He's an actual living breathing decent guy =]=]=] I can't help but act like a freaking weirdo mega geek that smiles like an idiot around him. So what if he's not the most popular guy, he's really sweet, and funny. But he needs to take a hint goddamit!!! I know he likes someone, and I know it's not me, but it would be so awesome if it was *sighz*, I can't wait for the day that he waits for me to come online, and he blogs about my smile, and the day that he imagines me hugging him... And lemme tell you, that's a moment worth waitin for =]

Falling leaves that need to be caught

Some times it feels like everything and everyone depends on you…. It's like everyone's complaining to you about their problems when maybe it's you that needs the most attention right now. In the fall, all the leaves are bound to fall from their branches. You're apparently supposed to catch them all. So there you, panting as you run to catch ever leaf in your hand, you're tired, and you just want to get a bag to catch all of the leaves, but no, you're supposed to catch them all. The thing is, you can't. No one can. It's not a matter of how strong you are, or how smart you are, but there are some things you can't depend on one person to do, especially if 50 billion other people expect that one person to do the same. Whether you're falling or not, stop for a second to think about the person you're depending on to catch you, maybe it's them that needs to be caught.

Luckii days

Is it just me or am I having ALOT of bad days lately and like 1 lucky day out of like 365. Maybe it's like Karma * cue scary music * or maybe God just hates me. Me?? Pshhhh no way, not me! But what's stupid is that I depend on these " lucky days " to bail me out of tough times that I should be ready for. I mean sure, sometimes things go your way and sometimes they don't, and that's just how it works, but lately I've been like hoping every night before I go to bed that I'll have a lucky day tomorrow. I think that I can't depend on something that just comes and go's, but I need to be more prepared and ready for anything, no matter what it is, math trials, english debates, or a giant backpack attached to a necklace being hurtled at me ( you know who you are o.O ). I gotta do some growing up, and I gotta know that these are once in a lifetime days that I'm wishing for, and that just cause I go whining to God how much everything sucks right now, I still gotta get over it, and just move on. Sometimes you just have to expect the unexpected and once you feel like you're totally ready, and your self confidence is like over the chart, you know you can take on anything. Don't hope for a lucky day, make your own.

Outta my head

Ugh, just when you think you finally got that incredibly stupid crush out of your head, you find it floating in the back of your mind. *Whack Whack* It's bad enough I had to go through all of the pain of rejection, but to have to go through it again?!?!? Now that's suicide. It's almost as if I don't WANT to like this person, but I'm being FORCED to like this person. At first I just thought I was idiot for liking this person, and then I just started feeling like an idiot because I never stopped thinking of him, and then I felt like an idiot for even considering that I had a chance, and then I just figured out that I was an idiot. Go figure huh? But I just can't stop thinking about the way he laughs and the way he smiles, and then I remembered the whole idiot process, and then I'll get over him for what seems to have been 3 weeks turns out to be like 3 seconds. I know, "mentally challenged" pshhhh more like " guy challenged". Might as well just give it up, billions of anorexic girls are all over him every day, why be one of them? I'll be the dorky social reject who sits in the corner and blogs my problems. And of course I'll pretty much think of him every second of my pathetic miserable life and he probably won't consider me any more than just " that girl ". But I like to think that I've made an inspirational impact on his life, to compare someone like me to pretty people. Hahaha. Sorry that was just like a zoning out moment. Whooo... ANYWAYS it's not that Ihate him and it's not like I'm in love with him....well not I'm aware of...but he's just there...and I'm just here...

I'm such a freak :P

Oh my gawd it's totally official, I'm *such* a freak! There's something to cheer about, I know right? Lately I've been dancing randomly and acting like a spaz in front of every freaking person I know! Don't you just wanna act like a retard in front of people who KNOW you're a retard? Uhm..YEA. It's just like BAM WHAM KA-POW SNAP!!! I guess it's just another one of those tween ways to cover up the emo tears you're hiding inside...And while I'm hiding those tears I'm going to sing into a hairbrush and jump off a bed into a screaming crowd of teddy bears!!!! Which hurts!! Trust me I've tried it!! I'm a total lunatic getting high off of those scented markers and then screaming " SOMETHING SURE SMELLS LIKE LEMONS IN HERE BABY" just so people can shout "GET OFF THE FREAKING TABLES YOU RETARD" and I'm just there smiling like an idiot falling off the table and saying " I'm ok people, don't worry about me...nooo...please come back...I miss you already.." *tear*. And then you have those SKINNY scented markers that if you're not careful they will totally get shoved into your nose an the whole day you'll be whiffing dog crap and you'll still smell the lemoney freshness of sceneted markers. BAM HONEY. Ok I'm sorry for wasting your time, I was merely documenting my spaz moment for ya'll, and myself, just in case I ever wanted to look at the idiot I once was, and always will be. Now THAT'S being patriotic to you're own religion! Idiotism! GO RETARDS!!!! WHOOOOOT!!!