I Trust You With My Heart.

Truth be told,

I'm scared. 

I'm scared of who I used to be,

Of if that person could still be me,

Of if I'm strong enough to say,

I'm a different person today.

Sometimes fear is a good thing,

It keeps you on the edge,

But when stuck in fear and drowned in doubt,

Trusting someone is your only way out.

I'm not that very trusting,

I'm not going to lie to myself,

But honestly,

I trust you,

And to me that means alot.

I know you'd never catch me,

Because I know you'd never let me fall,

There's nothing left to be scared of,

No reason to be scared at all.

Self Something.

You know how sometimes you just totally zone out, and you're lying down on your bed staring at the ceiling. It's like nothing is going on in your head, except for like... everything. And I don't know, it might've been the color of the ceiling, or like the song that was playing, or the smell of the room, I DON'T KNOW, but something, something made me realize that I have A LOT of things wrong with me. I'm talking like, TONS of faults. My list of faults is longer than Santa's list of naughty children. 

It is that bad.

First of all, I'm incredibly loud and obnoxious. Like, if I had to replay the way I talked, I would pretty much get duct tape and just GO FOR ME. Ugh, and I'm kind of dramatic. Well not like really super bad dramatic, it's just, I over think things, basically. Like, I over analyze EVERY SINGLE DETAIL about ANYTHING&EVERYTHING. So if you do something, and I'll be like, ooooo, what does that mean? And maybe all of that thinking will lead me to think someones mad at me or something. I mean, I have really good intuition, so most of the time, I'm actually right, but like 80% of the time, I'm just FREAKING PARANOID. Okay, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I'm really annoying too. Maybe it's because I'm so happy and excited and spastic ALL the time, that it makes me do stuff like talk really loud, or talk for a really long time, or repeat a word over and over again. Ugh. *Brings out duct tape* & like, I'm actually a REALLY CLINGY PERSON. Like, I'll always want to be by someone, and talk to them, and I don't even like KNOW man. I need to give people more space, and let them come to me on their own, or let them tell me when they do want me to come. It's just, there's so much more, and it's all running through my head, and like, noticing everything that's wrong with you, it kind of makes you want to shut up, and just like, leave everyone alone. Its like I have to watch everything I do, and listen to everything I say, and just, be careful. I'm surprised how anyone could like me. I think, for now, I just have to back off off everyone, and just...I don't know, it's like the people who can handle you at your worst, deserve to be with you at your best. Oh god, I don't even know anymore. I don't even know why I'm thinking about this. Maybe I just need some reassurance. Is this really what I'm like? Who I am? It's like I want to know what I'm really like, what people really think, but at the same time, it'd break my heart to hear it, maybe because I already know what's it's going to be like. I just hope I can fix my faults, and soon.  Self realization is a bitch, ain't it?

What I Have To Say.

My thoughts on life:

• By letting yourself be depressed about something, you're not giving good things a chance to happen.
• Everything could be painless if you just have a different mindset.
• Friends will tell you what you want to hear and get you through a tough time. Best friends will tell you the truth and get you through life.
• When you give up, you're giving up on the possibly for something beautiful to happen. That possibility could be something that you'll spend a lifetime searching for.
• Don't think that good things aren't happening, think that they will happen.
• There are so many people that would kill to be happy, but the thing is, most of those people could be, if they would let themselves.
• If things aren't going your way, maybe it's because you're not being hopeful in the first place.
• Not having faith in yourself or anyone else will hold you back from being happy.
• Life isn't about learning how to hold on, it's about learning how to move on and take lessons from everything that happens to you; it's about learning how to get back up on your feet and being proud of yourself for doing that.
• Life is about being grateful for the experience and never the result.
• You have to love who you are before you are ready to love anyone else.
• Don't doubt yourself. Doubt will hold you back from everything you are.
• You have to be happy, and give everyone a reason to be happy too. The people who decide to be a part of that happiness and share theirs too, are the people who you will love you the most.
• Your past isn't anything to be ashamed of. Never let it haunt you. Take memories from your past and turn them into lessons, and confidence, and let it build personality and character.
• You can only appreciate what you have if you appreciate what others have. It works both ways.
• Don't be jealous of others. You have to be grateful that they're in your lives, and they're such great role models and people you can look up to.
• Always add a space onto your heart for others. Never let them take a part of you away. 
• Sometimes, the only reason you don't think you're an amazing person, is because you don't think you're an amazing person, not because you really aren't.
• Stop finding things to be sorry about. Stop finding things you need forgiveness for. People forgive, but you have to forgive yourself. Then you can truly move on.
• To stop doubting yourself sounds like the hardest task in the whole world, but really it's not. It's hard because you've given up before truly trying.
• Good things happen to happy people and happy people make good things happen.
  

Like I said, I don't know that much other than the fact that the grass is green and the sky is blue. But maybe, that's all I need to know.

The Grass Is Green, Dearie.

Ok, so, I know music and stuff is always telling you how depressing life is, BUT good things will happen! The trick is, to not worry about how things are going to turn out. Let things just happen. And trust me, they happen.  I'm just so over being sad about everything, about everyone being upset, about the drama, about things that don't even matter. We might not all have everything we would want in life, but you have to make the most of what you do have, and maybe then will you get more of what you do want. You always have to stay positive in life, no matter what. I know, I know, what kind of advice could I give. Like I'm just a stupid naive little teenager. But, you'd be surprised. I mean the only things I really know, is that the sky will always be a shade of blue, and the grass will always be a shade of green. But hey, maybe that's all I need to know.

An Ocean Of Skies.

I'm staring at blank ceilings,
But this paint is so concealing,
I'm searching for some meaning,
What's behind this stone brick wall?
A heart kept in a cage,
Locked up and locked away,
With chains so blindly linked together,
We hoped it wouldn't be this way,
So I lie here alone and waiting,
A darkened sky above me,
With stars that shone as bright as sand,
My hope was slowly fading,
But something changed these skies of gray,
And chased the blackened skies away,
You will no more feel the pain,
Of night displaying your miserable feelings,
Something started happening,
I knew it,
But I didn't know what,
The skies had somehow lightened,
And it brightened my whole world,
It was a reflection of the ocean,
With all its waves of blue,
Crashing on the horizon's surface,
Clouds like sea foam rose for you,
Something broke the water's surface,
Something bright and clear,
The sun was drifting on the sea,
I had fallen for you in too deep,
Your beaming rays matched my beaming smiles,
I wish you'd stay longer,
Just stay for a while,
But the sun must set,
So the colors can change,
With pink and blue and purple waves,
Waves that gently pulled and swayed,
Pulling me in to your gravity,
I look at the sky and the sun begins to rise, 
I'm not scared of the night,
And it's unforgiving ways,
I know the future holds better days. 

Burning Skies.

Every day was a challenge, And things just weren't the same, You could try to avoid your reality, But then you'd be dreaming of better days, And as ambitious as I was, I was barely hanging by a thread, Enough to climb up to the top, And not enough to see overhead, I was lost before you came, I wasn't looking to be found, I didn't have to whisper your name, You heard me calling out somehow, You were like a candle, Whose flame burnt deeply in my eyes, And if I tried to close my eyes, I'd have visions of burning skies, Skies that burned a fiery red, That faded into shades of pink, And shades of pink that warmed the sky, Until it cried a purple ink, A purple ink that stained the sky, And had to be washed away, The ocean sprayed the sky with mist, The purple just blended with blues that stayed, You're everywhere I know you'd be, Because you are a part of me, I'm free of who I used to be, Burning skies are waiting for me.

Good Times, Good Times.

Hello world,

Today I am feeling....

Absolutely terrified.

I am terrified of....

the first dive off the starting block...

...the first stroke you take...

the first breath you breath....

...the first flip turn you make at the wall....

the first time you touch the wall for a finish...

...the first thought you think when you finish a race....

the first time you glance at the time board....

...the first medal you don't get...

the first time you cry....

...the first memory you make...

the first time you're surprised....

...the first time you realize that you kinda sucked.

Some of those are really depressing huh >.<

How about things that are more fun?

I can't wait for....

...the first stupid picture you take...

the first time you scream someones name....

...the first time you lose a slipper....

the first time you buy an oober cool swim suit...

...the first time you take off your shirt then realize you're swim suit isn't under it...

the first time you slip on a puddle of water....

...the first time you get pushed into a pool...

the first time you walk into a store with nothing but swim suits on...

...the first time you're half changed then realize that you left half your clothes outside...

the first time you dance to crazii music....

...the first time you wish someone good luck, and they whoop your ass XD...

the first time you walk into the gas station with a swim suit on and people ask you how the beach was...

...the first time you play on the playground and make it all wet...

the first time you skip down the sidewalk in your swim suit...

...the first time you call out another team and own them in a spirit cheer...

the first time you do biology homework while waiting for an event but can't get it so you ask all the surrounding adults for help...

...the first time you eat real food in hours....

& my favorite...

The first time you decide to skip and dance in the field while the football team is practicing.

I hope everyones day is full of wonderful firsts <3