Self Something.

You know how sometimes you just totally zone out, and you're lying down on your bed staring at the ceiling. It's like nothing is going on in your head, except for like... everything. And I don't know, it might've been the color of the ceiling, or like the song that was playing, or the smell of the room, I DON'T KNOW, but something, something made me realize that I have A LOT of things wrong with me. I'm talking like, TONS of faults. My list of faults is longer than Santa's list of naughty children. 

It is that bad.

First of all, I'm incredibly loud and obnoxious. Like, if I had to replay the way I talked, I would pretty much get duct tape and just GO FOR ME. Ugh, and I'm kind of dramatic. Well not like really super bad dramatic, it's just, I over think things, basically. Like, I over analyze EVERY SINGLE DETAIL about ANYTHING&EVERYTHING. So if you do something, and I'll be like, ooooo, what does that mean? And maybe all of that thinking will lead me to think someones mad at me or something. I mean, I have really good intuition, so most of the time, I'm actually right, but like 80% of the time, I'm just FREAKING PARANOID. Okay, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I'm really annoying too. Maybe it's because I'm so happy and excited and spastic ALL the time, that it makes me do stuff like talk really loud, or talk for a really long time, or repeat a word over and over again. Ugh. *Brings out duct tape* & like, I'm actually a REALLY CLINGY PERSON. Like, I'll always want to be by someone, and talk to them, and I don't even like KNOW man. I need to give people more space, and let them come to me on their own, or let them tell me when they do want me to come. It's just, there's so much more, and it's all running through my head, and like, noticing everything that's wrong with you, it kind of makes you want to shut up, and just like, leave everyone alone. Its like I have to watch everything I do, and listen to everything I say, and just, be careful. I'm surprised how anyone could like me. I think, for now, I just have to back off off everyone, and just...I don't know, it's like the people who can handle you at your worst, deserve to be with you at your best. Oh god, I don't even know anymore. I don't even know why I'm thinking about this. Maybe I just need some reassurance. Is this really what I'm like? Who I am? It's like I want to know what I'm really like, what people really think, but at the same time, it'd break my heart to hear it, maybe because I already know what's it's going to be like. I just hope I can fix my faults, and soon.  Self realization is a bitch, ain't it?