Mysteries in life.

What is wrong with me?

Can I ever be loved?

My Essence.

My essence,
bottled and capped,
Each breath you take,
Feel it.
Take it in.
It captivates you,
And you’re drawn to my love,
But my essence starts to leak,
You catch them like drops of rain,
Please,
Pour them back into me,
Who am I without what I am?
You’ll always have a part of me,
But please don’t take what you don’t need.

A Battlefield.

Love and life is a battlefield,
& Ask yourself,
"Who are you fighting for?"
"What do you stand for?"
"And what does that say?"
"Would you be proud to go down that way?"
Your words cut like knives,
But your actions are killer,
The lies and the truths are nothing but fillers,
Love is nothing without trust on it's side,
Trust must be given,
& Will be received in time,
So pick your battles,
& Pick your wars,
Always look ahead,
But never straight forward.

Sonnets :O

Feeling kind of lost on roads I walk on,
Trying to find my footsteps within a crowd,
Walking in all directions until I'm gone,
I try to hear the silence though it's loud.

There are some paths I wish I didn't choose,
But wrong or right they've taken me to here,
Got everything to gain, but none to lose,
Live life in doubt is to live life in fear.

The whole world lies in front of my own eyes,
But I'm not quite sure where I want to go,
I'll listen to the truths as well as lies,
The heart will know just where it wants to go.

But is there even more out there for me?
I guess there's more to life than what I see.

I am feeling kind of lost.

I am feeling kind of lost.
Footsteps all surround me,
I try to find my own,
I get tangled up in everyone's paths,
Our paths intertwine,
Like knots in shoelaces,
They're knots that I'd never untie,
Circling around,
I pace to find it,
Where all the knots become one,
Circling around,
I pace to find it,
I pace to find the unknown.
I am feeling kind of lost.

Ugh.

Sometimes...
I feel so betrayed and hurt.
Sometimes it feels as if I have had been SO hurt that I don't even try to touch the wound anymore.
It's not even a wound, it's a GASH and no one even cares even to try and make it better.
I am so done putting in all the effort, I have given up trying.
I am so done putting up with everyone's shit.
I am so sick of looking like the bad person.
I am NOT the bad person.
No one even cares about me.
No one truly even cares about me.
Because the people I thought once cared about me the most...
well it was all a lie.
Everything was a lie.
It was silly of me to believe it wasn't.
Everyone ends up leaving in the end.
And everyone ends up stabbing you right in the heart right before they leave too.

Fighting.

"Why am I still fighting? Why doe it feel like I'm the only one fighting to keep everyone in my life? Why does it feel more like I'm fighting to keep myself in everyone else's life? people are wrong about war. If you're the only one left fighting on the battlefield, it doesn't make you the winner, it in fact makes you the loser. Why won't anyone fight for me? why won't anyone else fight for me to be in their lives? Why should I have to be the one to fight? I get nothing out of it. I am so frustrated with everything and my life. I don't understand how the people who were so close to me can now watch me fall to pieces. You used to be there to make sure I never fell, and if anything that you were there to catch, me. You used to make it seem like it was impossible to see me unhappy or hurt. You felt that way because you cared about me. Now when you see me, you just feel bad. Not that you don't care about me, I bet you do, but you don't do anything. I am important. I'm sure I am, but not as important. I can never be again what I once was to all of you."