Friendship = Icecream. Duhhh

The sweet smell of friendship <333

Primitive Instincts

What do we do when we’ve hit rock bottom?

We scrape up the rocks and throw them at each other,

Instead of trying to climb up and down walls,

We poke holes through this barrier,

And toss over war like they’re grenades,

When has bombing become a part of the process of restoring peace?

In the midst of this smoke and terror,

It’s time someone said,

Boys and girls,

Let’s put the guns down,

It’s time we just talked this out.

Primitive Instincts

The pressures of being a girl

It's official.

Being a girl is a full time job that you will neverrrrr get paid for. You're expected to have the beautiful hair that looks really cool if you run on the beach in slow motion. Your nails are supposed to be cut and painted with femininity. Clothes? I am soooooo not getting into that. Being a teenage girl has RULES. You never think part of being you would have rules, BUT THERE ARE! Like if you were invited to a sleepover, you have to invite those people. And extravagant gifts are a must-need if you are invited to a party/sleepover. 

Secrets can't be spread.

Neither can rumors. 

Keep what you think to yourself, unless it doesn't upset anybody. 

I just can't keep up with my gender anymore! 

Switching cliques?

Don't think that you can get away with it with out karma being a bitch to you.

So what more is there left to say then..

It's a hard knock life for us!

MY FIRST BOOK!

ohmigod

I'm like hyperventilating.

I PUBLISHED A BOOK!

Wanna read?

http://www.lulu.com/content/5505661

Tell me what you think!

Happy Holidays! For those who can enjoy it....

Awwww.

Christmas morn. It's that special cliche moment where you open your presents as frosty the snowman plays in the back ground. Everything is moving in slow motion and your faces light up when you see you got that new iPod.

Yea? WELL APPARENTLY MY PARENTS DON'T ROLL LIKE THAT!

I had so much fun opening my presents...alone. Then this is where lack of sleep kicks in...for everyone. My dad goes on a RAMPAGE and makes us clean the whole house. ON CHRISTMAS MORN! Dude, ohmygawd, and he didn't even give us a chance to EAT BREAKFAST!

Pretty much everyone I know got a brand new shiny iPod Nano. 

Are you effin serious?

Yes.

Yes I am.

I got money.

That's not a bad thing, but when you compare it to an iPod nano...it's not exactly the most AWESOME thing. Like you don't want to SPEND money, cause then it will be gone. But you can use an ipod over and over again like EVERYDAY!!!!

Then I had to go to a boring lunch...gathering(?) where everyone spoke a foreign language. You know that sounds pretty awesome....unless you're the only kid there that speaks English. 

I cooked dinner and washed dishes.

This is the most UNTYPICAL Christmas ever. 

So happy holidays to everyone and ANYONE who can enjoy it.

You lucky duckssss

Don't you wish you were me?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

12/25/08 THURSDAY, 9:09PM!

Wowwww.

This is super random, but I just wanted to TELL SOMEONE!

And since no one reads my blog, I thought I'd just put this out there...

I looked up 'cake' in the thesaurus and other words that came up were

lump.

tablet.

and BRICK?

THAT'S SO WEIRD XD

And apparently so am I :D

Byeee my non readers

I <3

KARMA LIVES!

Wow.

I picked the perfect day to ride the bus. 

Ok, so I know you're supposed to save the front seats for the elderly, but I was tired from waiting an HOUR for the bus. I just put my stuff down and sat in the seat. I know, I know. BAD GIRL! Then halfway through the bus ride, the old guy next to me started leaning towards me, more and more...inch my inch...till like ALL of his weight was on the right side of me. I don't even know this guy! It's like he was trying to skip all the way to 2nd base ;)

JUSSS KIDDING!

Anyways, it was embarrassing. The lady next to me had this mean grimace as if she was TOTALLY disgusted by 13 year olds. She had that "look" on her face for the whole bus ride. The lady across of me just spent her bus ride watching the old man lean on me, then wake up, sniffle a bit, and then fall asleep on me again. That lady laughed her ASS OFF! But I can't blame her...her ass was HUGE!

So yea.

Bus rides suck.

This just goes to show that karma DOES live. And it LIVES ON!!!!!!!!!

OhMiGosh...That's So Sad! OHMIGOSH! I know right?

OkiDoki you guys. This is like the fajillionth time I've talked about rejection on my blog. Maybe it'll be one of those traditions :/ But yea...It's so sad when no one likes you :[ The worst part is, you already KNOW you're a reject, and the sad thing is, that other people turn around and look at you and be they say, oh look, it's just another one of those Teenage Rejects.

Don't you think I WANT to be pretty? Don't you think I WANT to be skinny?

Uhm.

Yea.

I do.

I want to be plastic.

So bad.

I know it's so horrible, because it's being so cliche to think that all guys like beautiful skinny pretty nice girls. But...it doesn't sound that fake does it? I'm not sure if I would actually reach that part of my life where I'd actually say, no longer can I stand to be this fake. 

 How could you NOT want the perfect life? Wouldn't you want to be barbie and have your ken? For other people to actually WANT to be like you??? 

UGH!!!!

If I wasn't REJECTED all the time, maybe I wouldn't think of myself like the total loser that I have myself convinced that I am. I'm so effin hard on myself, because I feel like if I'm not, I'll just let myself think that there is TOTALLY nothing wrong with me, and people would eventually like me. 

Hahaha.

You silly little girl.

This is why you're not Doctor Barbie. 

But I think I've gotten to that point in my lifetime of rejection, where I was actually hoping that one day, someone is gonna want me bad. And it's gonna be all their fault because they didn't want me when I wanted them. 

What happens when YOU'RE the one who wants ME?

Karma.

Let's Restore Peace in GirlWorld

Bummer dude. Everything is so messed up in girlworld. Everyone is like disowning their friends from last year and like being obsessed with everyone else! The worst part is, everyone feels like they can't talk their problems out with the person they're having issues with, but instead they'll talk to EVERYONE else about their issues. It's like 50% true and 50% WTF?

This is one of those typical girl issues, and guys are just like ewww lame. Girl stuff. OMG it burnsss!!!! Yea, well it burns us too. Guys will just beat on eachother till they laugh at it. Girls take everything seriously and to offense, like omg, DID YOU HEAR WHAT SHE JUST SAID? Oh no she didn't. But yes girl. YES SHE JUST DID! You know, if we just talked it out face to face like calmly and rationally, this stuffies wouldn't even happen. But noooo0o0o0o0o0, instead we gotta be all up in everyone else's grill (I'm Asian...But I like to feel like I'm not sometimes ;) and be like "WHAT DID SHE SAY? OH NO SHE DIDN'T" And then like whoever you're talking about is like right behind you and you're just like "Hiiii." *Cough* Betch *Cough*

The ever so exciting girlworld.

I am currently trying to restore peace, but peace is trying to bite me in the ass.

So basically,

peace can go hide in a corner and cut itself.

SocialStudieSlam

Welcome back you guys :] 

Alwaysss a pleasure :D

Anyways, in social studies we were learning about the declaration of independence, and so our assignment was to write our on declaration of independence, declaring independence from our PARENTS!! Here it goes! (BTW: It's supposed to be a slam poem)

We have the right to be treated equally,

Everyday and more than frequently,

We have the right to speak what we say,

We can speak as we want,

And speak as we may.

We have the right to be heard when we speak,

We’re individuals and we’re all unique,

We have the right to have an opinion,

We have the right to say yes or no,

Being pressured isn’t an option,

We have the right to do or to don’t.

We have the right to be punished,

But only punished for our crimes,

In any other cases this is unjust,

And we have the right to disown your trust.

Random poem...PART 2!!

With every word,

Letter,

Syllable that appeared on the blank screen,

I waited. 

Words were meaningless,

When they didn’t need to be heard,

But you were the one who’s words meant,

Everything.

But the things you say…

The words hung in the air,

Tangled in the web of lies,

That needed to be burned,

So the words of truth could fall to the ground.

But when they touched the ground,

It burnt,

Like ACID.

And I’d dive into the bottomless pit of your heart,

It seemed so depressing,

But it wasn’t.

It was a starless everlasting night,

And you’d like the way,

As we walked hand in hand through this horrific fantasy.

The words that once hung so heavily on my heart,

With graceful wings,

Flew off into the grayish blue haze above us,

But those words mean NOTHING to me….

When they weren’t said.

Violent Little Kids Who Adore You D;

Oh wow.

I always knew that little kids were slightly violent, but this 6 year old I know is INSANE!

He throws things at people, kicks people, and he tried to CHOKE ME!!!! Geeez. But then I thought I would TRY reverse psychology o.O 

So I held my arms open and with an irresistible face I said "Do you want a hug?"

He was IMMEDIATELY embarrassed like WHAT? HUG? I'M 6! I HATE HUGS! And then I let my smile drop and I muttered an "ok..." pretending to be disappointed. The next time he threw something at me, instead of yelling at him like most people do when they're upset at him, I just held my arms wide open and screamed " DO YOU WANT A HUG? "

He squeezes his eyes while a smile crosses a face. Embarrassed, he said mumbled a yes.... I flung my arms around him and while he was embarrassed from all the parents watching in admiration, I could tell he enjoyed it. Which was HORRIFIC?

THIS VIOLENT LITTLE 6 YEAR OLD ENJOYED MY HUG!!!!

I thought "YES!" finally this kid would stop throwing things at me. But ohhh noooo, what he wanted to do to me now was WORSE. Every 3 seconds he would hold onto to the railing, bend slightly over the edge, juuusssttt enough to grab my sweatshirt and he'd like yell my name and say HUUGGGG and he'd hold his arms open. At first the plan was to make HIM embarrassed but there he was with alllll the parents watching as he BEGGED for hugs. He would start COMPLAINING about not getting hugs, until it reached a point where I'd give in and he'd cut off my circulation with his hugs. I would actually have to get his parents to grab him off of me. 

I have found the one things less tolerable than hatred. ADMIRATION.

OHHHHH MYYYYYY GODDDDDD

Everyone thought he was SOOO adorable, but it was so weird for this kid to beg for hugs. This was not just some other 6 year old. It was HIM. THE 6 YEAR OLD. This is the same 6 year old that I remember had punched my face, then went to his dad and told him that I punched him. And this same 6 year old was jumping up and down screaming my name so unhappily, it was as if this little kid instead of taking his meds, took 35,000 packs of sugar. -.-

All I have left to say to you readers now is....

HELP!

And a warning...

Don't ever think reverse psychology works.

It's like Karma, it always comes to bite you in the butt with a 6 year old D;

Random poem? :p

How can people not see her?

Can't you see what she's doing?

Those cracks on her porcelain face are spreading,

But she paints over them with dignity,

People bang their metal cups,

against the rusty bars she locked herself behind,

Her feelings are a prisoner to you,

but it looks like her time will never be done.

She threw the key in a river,

With every heart beat it's pushed farther and farther,

She jumps in the water and swims for her life,

But it's too late.

The key plunges over a waterfall of hatred.

The girl is furious,

Chips break off her porcelain mask,

and you finally see suffrage inside,

She bangs her fists at the metal bars,

She screams at the walls in fury,

The metal cups,

banging...taunting....

Her heart tears in half and she RIPS off her mask,

Her pain is RAGING,

She grabs the bars and bends them in half,

She twists the bars until the inanimate objects long to DIE.

Then the girl lunges at her mockers,

her enraged hurt builds, 

she reachers her breaking point,

where the thermometer cracks,

and she slowly walks away....

She's seen the damage she's caused,

and locks herself up again.

Behind the bars she sits and cries.

The pain and hurt is now outside,

the outsiders put their cups down,

they walk away from the bars,

Now that the damage is done,

there's no reason for them to stick around.

The next day there she is again,

Her porcelain mask is glistening in the dark,

But no one will ever know how she feels,

If they did....

Then what kind of a person would she be?

Sneak Peek ;)

A sneak peek to my 3 paged book xD

Looking back to two years ago, I don’t really feel like my feelings have changed for him at all. I think I actually feel like he’s the one person that can break my heart but keep it from falling apart all at the same time. I’ve known him since 3^rd grade. Aw, such sweet memories of 4-square and dodge-ball… I don’t even remember how we became friends, but when I think about it, I just remember hanging out with him. His jokes were always the funniest, well, maybe not the FUNNIEST, but the way he said them was funny. He was the coolest dude I knew, mostly cause he was the only guy cool enough to sport a mullet. And let me tell you, he ROCKED that thing. I was a fatty…but he didn’t really care. He had a mullet…so we were even.

I remembered the way I felt when I found out he was moving. My heart was cut off its strings and the feeling of loneliness overcame me. It was hard imagining that the person I loved for 3 years could just LEAVE. And yes. I LOVE him. With everyday that passed, I just fell more and more in love with him. It wasn’t until he actually left that I realized that it wasn’t the kiddy love I felt for all my friends, but it was the kind of love that hurt. It was the kind of love that told me that I couldn’t live without him. I didn’t want him anymore...I NEEDED him.

Post Your Thoughts :]

The Average Novel? (What's a Novel!?)

Oh My God.

I am...writing a BOOK!?!?!

It's so weird....it's like this random spastic idea just smacked me in the face. The broken lightbulb floating above my head had sparked. *Gasp* 

Lemme give you the long story almost short version...

Once upon a time, there was this guy. This guy happened to be the coolest guy in all of RealityLand, and he was best friends with this girl, who was not the fairest of RealityLand, but rather the opposite. But this insanely cool guy didn't care how UN-awesome this girl was, he still liked being her friend anyways. UN-awesome girl fell in love with insanely cool guy but she had no chance in RealityLand. But sadly insanely cool guy MOVED? Yep, it's extremely sad. But what else can you expect from RealityLand? UN-awesome girl was sad and emailed him every day but he never replied....So UN-awesome just dreamt about him every night instead....And one day UN-awesome girl decided to write a book about her tragedy, except adding a fairytale ending...which just happens to be all her dreams.

And that is my long story almost short version.

Aren't you just excited for the book?

I know I'm not, cause I deleted the draft 3 times!

But I'll get past the title!

I know I can do it!

xD

Ok, I'll be posting more, and sneak peeks of my book that will never get published.

Guys = Girls (Part 5)

Welcome back non-readers ;)

Today's lesson isn't really a lesson, it's more like....an extremely helpful hint. (P.S. most helpful hints are actual HELPFUL. HINTS.) So here's the thing, when you're in deep doody, saying something sweet will make it semi better, but if you DO something sweet than we might actually let you off the hook. Actions speak louder than words. For instance:

You go to her parent's house, and you accidentally fart. Then after you farted-you being in shock- you say DAMMIT!

Ohhhh shizzet...

Or example number 2. You cheat on her....

(Examples aren't necessarily a good thing...btw.)

Don't just be like, I'm sorry. And then pretend like she's your baby again. Try getting her flowers or be creative or something! Write her a song, make a movie about her! SOMETHING!!!! 

And just so you guys know, being creative scores you extra points ;)

Hope this helps!

Guys = Girls (Part 4)

Welcome back my non readers ;)

Today is something that I think you guys are very oblivious to. The thing is that, girls don't like to wait. They don't like waiting for you guys to be like "Hey do you want to go out?". I mean it'll be worth the wait, but if you're gonna lead them on for like 3 years, I'd say that by then she's not going to be flattered at all, but actually kind of offended. And a big no-no is to let a girl like you for a looonggg time and when she's...."developed" then you ask her out. That is SUPER offending to girls, because...it just is. For some girls it takes alot of time to process the fact that you are slowly rejecting them, while others just gossip those hurt feelings out. My point is that, you can NOT lead a girl on when you know for a fact that it ain't evvvaaa happenin', we are actually quite understanding (85ish% of the time). 

So remember, you either like us, or not. 

If we've got our minds' set, why don't you?

Guys = Girls (Part 3)

This lesson is fairly simple, and it's something you probably already know and stuff, but it's something that I can NOT. STRESS. ENOUGH. And that is, that the following will NEVER. be funny (even when you're dateless to prom yet again, atleast you'll understand why.) ;

1. Fat jokes 

2. Jokes about their looks

3. Jokes about their FRIENDS looks

4. Big Butt jokes and

5. Boob jokes

Girls aren't like guys. Guys don't care about what they looks like, they all just stick on a shirt and pants and the next day just spray axe over it and wear it again. Girls spend most of their time thinking about why they think they're not pretty enough...Or why they think they're too fat or too flat, or not flat enough! Girls will just never think those kinds of jokes are funny, because they just aren't! So make sure that you don't:

A. Say jokes like that

B. Don't get mad when the girls get mad at you (because it's your fault!)

C. Tell all your friends those jokes while girls around....(That's gonna be ugly....)

And if one of those jokes happened to "slip out", make sure that you apologize ASAP!

 Good luck out there ;)

-Super girl out.

Guys = Girls (Part 2)

Coming back for more?

Yeaaa, I thought so ;)

Okay, moving on to lesson #2

 "Why do girls think I'm conceited just because of what my friend's do?" 

Let's imagine this was happening...

So there's these girls, your guy friend (let's call him Bob), and you. So Bob goes ahead and cracks a joke about some girl's butt being big. Do you think the girl's gonna;

A. Laugh

B. Start crying when you're not looking.

C. Bitch slap you.

Well in some cases, all 3 can happen. She can laugh, then cry when you're not looking, then bitch slap you when she sees you again. Let's just say you're lucky this is a hypothetical case, and that you have my blog to rescue you.

Super girl is here to help of course ;)

So, the girl being all pissed off at Bob's crack (not literally) is going to be pissed at you. Can you not see why? Your choice of friends reflects on you. If your friends are the kind of guys who think the only things in life that are funny are yo mama jokes, than I'd say you'd better consider getting new friends from ebay. And no, you can never get chicks off a site called e-bay-bay. Keep dreaming...and it's still never going to happen. If your friends are intelligent, gorgeous, funny guys, than it looks like you're hanging with the right crew ;) 

Now remember, your choice of friends reflects yourself. So choose wisely. And if you want to keep "Yo Mama's" friends, than just tell them to no talk aloud in public.

Guys = Girls (Part 1)

Welcome to the first part of Guys = Girls. I hope you can keep up guys ;)

Part 1: Look at our FACES when you talk to us.

I know it's very frustrating for you to focus on what we're saying when you guys keep getting distracted. But it's very offending when we have to talk to the top of your head. Why is it not cool to check out girls while you're talking to them? Well because, first of all, girls expect you to like them for more than their looks. So on a first impression, checking out a girl's chest is a big nono. 

Second of all, she's going to think you're not paying attention to what she's saying...because you're not! Girl's have ways of knowing if you've been listening or not. Girl's never buy it when you tell them that you're listening, cause frankly you guys suck at lying when you're....staring....and drooling...

So that's rule #1. Now remember, our face is up here, not down there.

It's okay guys....Help is on the way!

Guys, I know how frustrating it is for you to not understand girls. Because frankly, girls understand you all to well. Maybe it's not technically "understand", it's a little more assuming what your actions mean. But THANK GOD my blog is here to help you guys. I'm gonna have a random mini-series on concepts that guys should UNDERSTAND about girls. Like, when you talk about how cool porn is, all the girls give you glares and gossip about how you're never going to get a girlfriend cause you're a sick perv. Well of course you're never going to get a girlfriend....now. So don't be in doubt, because help is on the WAY!!!!

Well aren't you a luckyducky? :p

What happened to the trick or treaters?

Fellow non blog readers, what happened to you guys TRICK OR TREATING!?!? I spent the last 2 hours trying to find a decent place to ask for candy! And Oh My Gawd. Atleast TELL us that you're NOT going to give us candy. Like we walked up to a house with ALL their lights on, and we're like TRICK OR TREAT!! And they don't even ANSWER us. They just carry on while we awkwardly walk away with our (yet again) empty bags. And you GIRLS, with the bunny and cat ears, and the hooker outfits from Sluts'R'Us, didn't you know you were supposed to DRESS UP? Not be yourself ? I think we should change the name from Sluts'R'Us to Sluts'R'U. I think it's a bit more accurate.

Everyone says that the economy toilets so badly, that people can't even afford to BUY CANDY. I'm sorry, I'm not buying this. ARE YOU?

I didn't think so.

Don't get your hopes up out there...

The everrr so lovely world :]

Alohhaaaa fellow blog readers ;) I was just checking out my posts, and I happened to notice that I have NO PICTURES on my blog! Well, that's pretty sad. So I decided to post some pictures of the ever so lovely HAWAII!

   

It's insanely awesome, I know ;) I took them myself with my cheap-o camera from who knows where? Probably China...Or MEXICO! I loveee this place! It's like a natural paradise to luxurious for heaven to handle. My little paradise of sand, rocks and.....water. And salt...in the water... And sand....in the water with the salt. BUT other than that, it's a pretty insanely awesome place. So looks like these are the FIRST THREE PICTURES on my blog ;)

w00t

Free Advertising

OMG IT'S FREE ADVERTISING! *Gasp*

Whoa, hey fellow blog readers (which is still like no one). I figured out how to use a free advertising site ;) Yep, that's pretty pimped out. (Do people even say pimped out anymore?!) And WHOAS, so I was checking out my "summary" which is pretty much how many people click on it and stuffs. And there was ONE PERSON! And then i was like NOOOO cause that was just me refreshing the page and clicking on my own advertisement. I wanted to see if it worked.....And it DOES! I don't see what makes my blog such a FAILURE! I'm not some loser who sits at home in her little corner posting everyday....I'm the loser that's sitting at home checking to see if anyone has commented my posts. So I used the free advertising to give my lil blog a lil BOOST!
So whoohoo for little teenager who had to read the whole Help Section to figure out a site who just asks you to register -_-"
Niteynitee my non readers ;)

OURS. Not yours. Get it straight, you silly little girl.

Tell me, what ever happened to equal respect? The parent gave the child respect, and in return the child gave the parent respect. That is a bunch of BS. That is not even true anymore. Apparently, when you ask for some respect, you don't get any. Just because you're the child, and they're the adult. Please parents, couldn't you come up with something a *little* more creative? No. I didn't think so. This is apparently the motto for the future generations of adults: You are the parent. Which entitles you to total control of your child, and everything you own, and everything THEY own. Because technically it's your things, because you used YOUR money to buy those things. Oh yea, and all that shit we talked about like "independency" and "earning your own money".....and "dignity", just SCREW THOSE. In the end, it's OUR money.Respect? It means shit when you ask for it, but when we demand it, it means the fricking WORLD BETCH! And just STOP. ASKING. if you can hang out with your friends. Cause the answer is NO. NO. NO. NO. Who cares if you did your homework? You should be doing MORE. You're just an INCONSIDERATE. SELF-CENTERED. UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BRAT. Why even say you love us, when we're just going to screw you over and disown you as a child when you fxxck up. Remember parents, by making them feel UNLOVED. UNWANTED. UNCARED FOR. and UNGRATEFUL. You're just making them stronger :] "
So dear fellow blog readers, (which is like no one), by making your kids feel like the most UNLOVED. ABUSED. EMOTIONALLY HURT. kids in the world. You're just preparing them for the life of emotional pain. But hey...atleast you've made them just a weee bit stronger.

Parents.... D; -dies-

The title pretty much says it all.
Parents just make you want to die... from embarrassment of course.
Have your parents ever used coupons to save like 5 cents on something that's like 20 dollars. Well maybe that's just ASIAN parents. And will your parents ever yell loudly " Hey, come here to the BRA SECTION! Oh wait...no...that size is way to small for you, you need something bigger." And then somebody you know walks by and laughs their ass off as soon as you can't see them. The movie Mean Girls might have said joining the mathletes were social suicide, but being in public areas with your parents in general is some serious social suicide. If you're parents insist that they're gonna come with you somewhere, please.... PLEASEEEEEE, you have to BEG for them to NOT. SAY. ANYTHING. Like seriously, haven't your parents ever said stuff like " Heyy look it's your friend! Why don't you say hi to her? I'll just stay over here and you guys can go and 'hang out' or whatever. " And it turns out to be someone you really REALLY REALLY don't like.
Dude.
Are you serious?
Like....
Yea....
Dude...
Are you serious?
I don't really have anything else to say than that....
Well, I gotta go. But seriously, parents should not have the power of free speech. Yeps.

Lonely-ness.

How do you make someone understand how alone you feel? How do you get someone to really feel how you feel? I'm surrounded by so many people who love me....But I feel like I'm dreading each day as it just comes and go's. What's the point of believing that something great and magical is going to happen the next day, if you're just going to be disappointed that it didn't? I really...want...*need* someone... Someone that's as special to me as I am to him. Not just cause I'm a delusional psychopath, but because I want to know that someone like that actually exists. That happiness can be real, and that loneliness can be a thing of the past.
And then sometimes you actually do find someone like that...but they just can't meet you halfway there. And that really sucks butt. But of course the guy of your dreams wouldn't settle for someone as plain and simple as yourself right? Of course...

Clumsy + Bug phobia = Bad parenthood

I have officially claimed my rightful place as the most clumsiest person in the world. Well, atleast 'my' world. In the past like 4 days I've fallen over a lane line, ran into a wall at the mall, and I've stepped on a needle. Isn't it so weird how all the forces in the universe just seems to point it's leftover karma right at me? There was also this like big (non-related) family dinner (of course), and no one would let me help them do anything... I guess they're all jealous of my coordinated..ness...ity... If you put a boiling pot of chunky (questionable) tofu in my hands, do you really think I would drop it? Well I wouldn't INTENTIONALLY drop it. And I also have like a phobia of bugs... I just can't look at bugs or 'kill' them or TOUCH them. It's just so incredibly grotesque in my mind. You shoulda seen me when I was just a lil kid. I was running and screaming as I ran away from those friggin butterflies. Have you ever seen that episode of Spongebob where Sandy leaves and Spongebob and Patrick were scared of the butterfly? First of all, that episode scarred me for life, ESPECIALLY when they zoomed in on the butterfly O.O And second of all.... I set towns on fire too when I see ...ugh...bugs... Which all leads up to one thing.. I would be THE. WORST. PARENT. EVER. Like seriously... we depend on our parents to help us when we fall and squish the nasty bugs in our rooms...Well how am I supposed to do any of that? I'd be the one falling down and running away from the..ugh...bugs...So all those aspiring parents out there...GET A THERAPIST...AND HURRY!!

"I Kissed a Girl" By Kate Perry

Have you seen the music video for I Kissed a Girl by Kate Perry? Because I just saw the most hilarious comment on Youtube for that video XD.
"How can you make a music video with a song about lesbian fantasies and not do anything with the girls in your video?"
Well that's a very uhm..."interesting" question.... And you just can't help but to imagine what kind of person wrote that comment o.O
And by the way....
Why are the songs about lesbians but not like... gay people? Like... guys...?
ANYWAYS
The song "I Kissed a Girl" isn't that bad actually.
It's kindof a good song :D whoohoo!
It just wouldn't be the same if a guy sang it..
:)

Vicious Beast XD

It's official. The price of gas is tearing my life apart likea VICIOUS BEAST! Who knew such an inanimate object could be SO beastly? And why? Because of WAR! Jeez dude... this war has been going on since I've learned to be potty trained. WHICH IS A LONG TIME. okay ppl? Can't we all make up and press that ooberly cool button on our MONEY MAKING machine that magically puts old ppl's faces on pieces of paper and give it to everyone to make the world a better smiley place? Wut about the good old days? Like when Bush wasn't president? But those days are over....The gas is causing me to ride THE BUS. Ugh it's so boring. It's like a bunch of old people taking hours to board the bus SAFELY and exit SAFELY. I'm just like standing there like....keep it moving granny. I love the elderly, just not when they use it to their advantage. I bet they're secretly like, hahahha she and the rest of the young(er) people have to wait because of my old moving buttocks. MWAHAHHAHA! If someone doesn't think of that OBVIOUS SOLUTION to our problems, then I'm about to pack my bags and move to Mars. WHAT? THERE'S NO GAS OR WATER?!?!?!?! Hmmm...
Con:
Die from lack of oxygen.
Die from dehydration.
Die from lack of gravity.

Pros:
No crack XD
No worry about gas. ( unless we pollute mars...then it's off to da big cheez )
No worry about contaminated water...hell we don't have to worry bout water at all!
You don't have to worry about the oxygen being dirty....hell we won't have to worry about breathing at all!

We're all just wannabe superstars

How many times have we seen a teen actress or a teen pop star rocking out on stage and though...oh my gawd I wish i was her. Or we could be thinking the exact opposite like, oh my gawd her butt is huge! But then again, t.v. does add 10 pounds...I just wasn't sure where... ANYWAYS, I guess we all feel like we won't be happy with ourselves until we show off who we are to everyone else in the world. Why is it that we SOOOOO badly want to be a....a......whatchamacallit? A SUPASTA!(Super star??) Is it because we long for attention, and the attention we get from our friends just aren't enough? Do we want to prove that our talent is worthwhile? Do we want to be on t.v. so we can get 10 pounds added to our buttocks?!?!?!?! So I guess you've figured out that I'm one of those wannabe superstars... Well of course, who doesn't? And OMG who DOESN'T want to marry those hot musician/actor guys we see? Talk about hunkalicious. They're total eye candy. Ewww how girly...li...cious of moi. I guess we all feel like we totally deserve to be their girlfriends. Yes it's embedded in our DNA. We all think we're "nicer" and more "down-to-earth" than those other girls. Sorry to break it to yea huns, but we're all the same. To wrap up the whole enchilada, the point is that we're all wannabe superstars. It's just some people use their limited opportunities to their advantage. Do the same. Live *the* dream. Live YOUR dream.
Ha.
Dream on hon.

The Love that was not ever there, Had yet to leave.

I feel like I need some..."closure". Do you remember that guy I told you about? [ Uhm.. no I don't know if I'm referring to my blog or the people reading it ] But okay let me "replenish" your minds. He's my best buddAY, and he sure knows how to do the cholo XD j/k, but he's really funny and NICE! Real living nice guys....how weird? And we all thought that stero-type didn't exist. Surprise Surprise! I know I'm such a softy when it comes to...let's just call it "confessions" or "venting" on my blog. Outside of my blog it's just like ALL OUT BEAST! But for now I'm a beluga singing my little confession whale songs to...I guess Stalking Strangers? MARINE ANIMALS UNITE! XD Anyways, so uhm.. he made it pretty clear that we weren't gonna be anything more then friends. But like, most of the time when I get rejected the...what did I call it...Uhm..Heart breaking Heart ache, yep that's it, usually goes away by now. But it's just so UGH! It's like...I'm like being such a freaking weirdo freak! I try SO HARD to impress him or something, I know it's total crap. I just feel like I NEED to be good enough for him. And maybe I am, but I'm like obsessive over him. I can't even explain in words known to (wo)man how much I love him =D. It's just killing me inside. Its such an easy thing to let go, but I DON'T KNOW WHY I CAN'T. The worst part is, I get jealous of the girls he hangs out with??! EVEN I KNOW THAT'S LAME. I just feel like SUCH A LOSER. I don't STAND A CHANCE why am I even *obsessing* over this shit? It's freakin' tearing me apart! It's like this feeling that you had a chance, and in the end it kind of ruins you. But I like him a again. Ugh. Why is it that I have NO CONTROL over MY OWN FEELINGS? I know I'm a psycho maniac. Even you didn't have to point that out. But it's like I'm losing myself in my own emotions! AHHHHHH.... But I just CAN'T HELP IT. Wait which smiley do I use?? =D or -_- or :'(??? I just don't know what to do anymore. And that really scares me.

A shoulder to Cry on.

For anyone who's ever had one of those Daniel Powter Bad days before, I honestly sympathize for you. Cause I know how crappy a bad day can be. Like somedays you're just like all cheerleader peppy. Two, Four, Six, Eight, Who do we appreciate? Not you! Not you! Me, Me, ME! But then other days you're like the crash after an energy drink, and you're crying sitting on the bathroom floor totally clueless, and you're just like, "Dude, what the hell is wrong with me today?". Honestly I have yet to find a cure for this socially murder of a disease. But you'll live. Oo0o0o..That sounds mean. I *Meant* you'll be fine, as long as you have a shoulder to cry on. I'm not encouraging anyone to do anything stupid like draw anttention to yourself by making up some stupid fantasy pity story. I've tried that, and it just makes you feel guilty, and your friends feel obligated to act like they care for a good solid 30 seconds. You can't do anything to stop tears from falling down your face. Like seriously, what's worse then crying in a bathroom? Not crying at all. Then you'll end up as some mad psycho who cries and hyperventilates every 3 days because you just couldn't..."let it out" when you needed to. Sometimes it's good to just...vent, because of something that happened and you never really realized how much it actually hurt you, until the waterworks started leaking. And I just love LOVE like OBSESS over how much I love hearing " Are you okay? ". ESPECIALLY when I'm not. It's like they can see right through you, and past your mask and who you're trying to be. And it makes you feel so relived, like you have someone to lean on. Like someone who will *try* to catch you while you try to commit suicide by falling from a 23 story building. And they'll feel better that you landed on them, instead of that nice, fuzzy, cozy, plushy-ful pillow right next to you. When they ask you if you're okay, when you are, it makes you feel like you're cared about. Someone cares about you! They love you! Stalker Fan Club whoopee! The point is, never let an oppurtunity to lend a shoulder to cry on, slip by.

To be like...everyone else?

o0o0o0o0o0oahhhHHHHHH!!

Life is like a.....ride.
HA. How many times have you heard that one? I can answer that one, three thoursand kajillion four hundred twenty-...alot. But what about this one?
Rejection is like a.....rollercoaster?
I know, lame lame lame. But think about it, (this blog is not responsible for loss of brain cells or lack of common sense to not think harder then you know you can.) But rejection can be kinda fun the first couple of times. Well of course it's not FUN fun, but it's like...exciting. Sure you go through the depression, dissapointment and heart aching heart break =[, but like, it's invigorating, how you get excited over a new crush or your next love at first sight. Some people like the feel of the rush of the rollercoaster, and then some people like the rush from being alone and pitiful, to lil miss sunshine and a lil miss stalker. It feels great to *feel* like something great it coming your way. Like when you're on a rollercoaster, you know that the big hill/slope/curve (ohbaby) is coming. It scares the shit outta you, but you're happy-nervous at the same time. Oh yes, I like to analyze or as some people call it, "over analyze" alot of things. But the O0O0OOO0O0 of a rollercoaster is like shaky nervous, and you're expecting the unexpected, but the AHHHHHHHH is just the fun part. With love, if there wasn't rejection, then there'd never be an AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

OhMyGoshness! I'm....obsessed?

OkeyDokey peoples, I totally left you hanging with my "mystery guy" posts. Don't you think it's been a while? I mean like *SERIOUSLY*. Dude my first post 'bout him was February 10th. And now it's...April 22nd? I think it is....I guess it is. Well ANYWAYS, either I'm TOTALLY obsessed with him, or I just like him SOOOOOOO much. For those who have not yet learned my love scale it's time that I shared the love scale with you people. On the bottom of the scale you have your Not-Reallys and your Not-At-Alls. Moving upwards you have your Sorta-Kindas and your Ehhhhhhsss..... Up, up, and away! Now your at the Hmmm and this is when your in your "Consideration Mode". Its when you're like considering him as a crush. Which is the nextttt level. Moving on, you have your Crushes and your Awww mode. Next is the OHMYGOSHNESS obsessive mode and there's the "sigh mode". What do you do when you think of him? *Sighhh....* I know what you're thinking, what could POSSIBLY be after the OHMYGOSHNESS obsessive mode? The Stalker mode! This is when you try to find out everything about him...in a ninja kinda way. And then you reach the last level. There's two endings. The "OhMyGoshness he asked me out" and then there's the "Am I not good enough for him?....OhMyGawd I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM *tear*" (Notice the Gawd instead of Goshness. This is a serious self depression mode. It's nothing to make fun of. HAHHAHAHA jk.) Then you break up and the Love Scale starts all over again. Or you could vow never to like a guy again. Or you could end up a worthless hobo on the streets still thinking about how one guy ruined your life. Now honestly, what seems like a more reasonable thing that would happen to you? ANYWAYSSSSSSSSSSSS It's been over 2 months with this "mystery guy". And I think I'm at the last level of the love scale. Which is the self depression mode. Yes people I know this is pathetic for me. OhMyGoshness the only thing that's been on my mind is, what's wrong with me? Am I fat? Ugly? TOO MUCH OF A NINJA STALKER?? All my friends are like...Are you okay? And in my mind it's just like NO NO NO NO NO NO NO, and all I can say is, "I'm Fine". Am I the only one that can see how bad of a person I am? I'm deceiving all my friends and the freaking guy himself to making it seem like it doesn't matter to me. But this is like so important to me, it's like I care about this so much you can't even imagine the times I started crying in school. Mostly cause of my friend though. We we're laughing and then I ran into a trashcan. XD WhoopsyDaisy. Should I give up? Or should I just....keep on liking this guy? I don't know......I've done some pretty stupid extreme things. Let's see...I went anorexic for a while thinking that I was too fat for any guy....Well anywys, PRETTY PLEASE comment back on this post. Lemme know what you think? Is it a keep on going, or a just forget it?

Not good enough...?

Doesn't it just piss you off? Like *SO* *MUCH*. When you try your absolute best, but no one cares? I mean like you acomplish something and someone acomplishes something even better, and then all of a sudden you're left there standing in the dust waiting for someone to notice you exist. People should never forget the normal people who also make a difference. They're voting for end of the school year awards for people who are smart, overachievers that are nice to people and do community service. Guess what category I go under? HAHAHAHA none of them. And even if I was, would anybody care? Uhm...no. Nobody voted for me...whoopee. That just says like so much about me. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for those smart nice people, but what about us? I mean if we don't get voted for, if I don't get voted for, does that mean that I'm not as important or as *good* as those people who did? I try hard at school even if it doesn't show, I'm nice to people even if it doesn't show, and I care about community service even if noone cares. It's like I'm waving signs at you, I'm shouting at people to listen, it's like People I'm trying to show you that I'm a good person but how can I show you I'm a good person if...nobody cares? Now it's like starting to sound like I have some kinda big ego, like I think of myself like I'm some kind of perfect lil princess that everyone loves. Uh HELL NO. Like seriously I've never gotten an award in my life, and I'm guessing that has something to do with like not being good enough for a piece of freaking metal with my name on it. But it's like important to me. Like I have a low self esteem and i just need something, anything to prove that I'm a good person, that I can be a good person. You want to hear my accomplishments? Well I don't have any. The only one I have is probably that I do alot of community service, I did over 20 hours at the library helping with the summer reading program, and I did this pool clean up thing, and now I'm trying to start a Cellphone for Soldiers program at my school. Not that anyone cares. And at swim team I kill myself, like I literally kill myself trying to keep up with other people, at swim meets I try my best and I still don't get my time just so I can face the humiliation of everyone else. But noone cares. It sounds like I want attention, and I don't. But it's not selfish of me to just want a little attention. Everyone's praising the smart nice people, but what about me? Yea like seriously, What about me? Nothing. Nothing special. And obviously I'm not good enough. And I really think that I'm not good enough for myself. I really need to prove to myself that I'm a good person and that I'm not the only one who thinks that. But once again, nobody cares. Not even me.

Canada.... u B****

My best friend from swim team since forever MIGHT MOVE. WTFH? AND TO WHERE??? CANADA??? NUH UH HELLLLLLL NO! Dude I effin love her. She's my BEST FRIEND. No no no you people do not understand, she is my BEST. FRIEND. I cannot emphasize dat enough, well... I could but den i'd have to change the font, and i'm too lazii to. If she moves I will cry my heart out :'( She's my bestie and we've done so many stupid things together it's hard to imagine a life where we won't be stuck in a mcdonalds drive thru XD Lmfao [inside joke]. I remember the time we went to subway and dis asian hispanic lady was like TOMATOES?? TOMATOES?? U WANT TOMATOES??? and my friend was like NO GODDAMMIT I DON'T WANT NO TOMATOES! And the lady paused... then she's like okay I give u 2 tomatoes =] And then there was the imaginary car drive thru. Wit Lani and dem they 'drove' thru the mcdonalds drive thru and honked their horn and was like would u like to some fries in a French accent. And constantly changing countries XD. We also went thru gay times. Like where she got DQed at the meet when the guy told her to step down? Not cool Bitch! She is an awesome swimmer! She kicks...water! She is a hard worker dat's afraid of pervy swim coaches and lethal coaches. And we'll never forget the Kaneohe Hoeee who dare talk about us behind our backs. She thought we were so stupid we couldn't hear what she was hearing, or atleast understand. Poor poor hoe. " Stupid Kailua Kids " Ha and she thought we couldn't understand english. Dude we're not hearing defficient. Anyways. I'll miss her so much, and I sympathize for u hun! Cause I love you! And I'm sorry for the time that I nearly killed u playing that game of leap frog at swim team when I first met you XD Who knew I'd miss?

U can just ____ ur ______ days

Ugh just when I think my life couldn't get MORE screwed up then it already was it just flips and turns on me. God I hate my life.
AHHH.! I know how many times have you heard someone talk about their crappy days, but you have no idea how badly crappy days are until you've been in my shoes. It's like hiking 2 miles in .... heels. Yes it was THAT bad. I fuckin' cried about this guy just cause some girl was flirting with him. It's like, dude, bitch, back off. But it's not like I CAN do that, because he doesn't like me back. Yes the complicated part. But c'mon, for me that is just TOO DAMN PATHETIC. Crying over some girl and some guy? The worst part is that I wish he kidna knew that I was like cryin...over him.... I mean like that I could like a guy so much, that I could like *him* so much that I would CRY over him, if only he knew that he meant dat much to me. Oh well, that's just another teenage sob story. I'll live. I'm not a drama queen, I just have my occasional moment =] There's alot of shit in my life that I want to be better. I want to be happy. Hahaha it sound stupid and it is, I should just enjoy my life right? WRONG. Everytime I get like tiny glimpse of happiness someone has to come and ruin it for me. Maybe giving up would be the best idea? Idk. I don't know anythin anymore. But I guess I'll find out -_- Goody. Anyways just needed to rag on the public.

Take 2934820394 ABC!

Hahaha still thinking about him...It's like I have nothing better to do with my life then blog about him nonstop. This is like the 7th post about him, which is a new record for anyyyyy gui I've ever liked, so you can tell he is one hell of a gui to me ;-) I should probably find a hobby, but I guess this also counts =]. Lemme give you a short summary from all the previous posts about wut I think about him:
1. I think he's incredibly nice and sweet.
2. I don't think he's a *beeeeeeeppingg beeeper beeepity beep beeeepp*.
3. I think he's really cute =] Like a teddy bear that you just wanna hug soooo badly ;-)
4. I don't care if he's popular or not, and that takes one hell of a gui to make me think like that.
5. He brings out the best in me, even during the shittiest day of my life.
6. He makes me feel less of a flaming idiot. [ Me? An idiot? Pshhhh hell naw.]
7. He does not, and never will, unless his life is in danger, ever, EVER go out with me.
8. I Luv Him so incredibly much that if some random guy teases me about him, I'd totally be ok with that, and so would my middle finger ;-)
9. He's totally awesome in the way that he makes you feel special when you're sad. It's like he can read my mind o_O
10. If he ever read my blog and thought the same thing bout me....then that's all I'd ever need in my life =]
11. He's freaking hilarious! I laugh so freaking hard sometimes I'm about to pee in my pants LMFAO
12. If he were ever to hug me, like seriously, I swear to god if he EVER hugs me..I'd never make him let me go....*sighz*
13. I think he has my number :-/ Ehh no idea, but I hope he calls soon :-! hearing his voice makes me less stressed...or more stressed... either way it's the good kinda stress =P. I'm gonna be like WAITING by my phone until he calls :)
14. I wish he'd ask me out... It's like killing me, cause I soo badly want him to, I mean like..he rejected me, but you still can't help but dream a little rite? Who knows.. I might not be dreaming =]
15. I neva felt this way about any guy, EVER! rofl. He's just so different in the best way possible, he's everything I've ever wanted in a guy, and more. If only I was his dream girl too.

If you're reading this [ you know who you areeeeee...] then you should know that someoneeee *sommmeeeonnnnneeee* is totally crushing on you. Like *crushing* crushing. Like BIG TIME crushing! And sometimes you just gotta take a risk with someone, cause one day, they'll stop waiting for you, just when you realize what a huge mistake it was to let her go. So if your gonna do something, DO IT NOW, before *someone* gets so tired of waiting, she ups and leaves. Cause this someeeonnneee luvs you so much that she's waiting for you, and isn't that enough for any girl to go through? How much more could you want in a girl? For her to stalk you for god's sake!!! She loves you so much-this someone- and u should DO SOMETHING, do ANYTHING to show her that you wanna be wit her. Cause if u don't like this someeeonnee tell her, so she can just get over you, and she can just stop wasting her time thinking about you. Every. Single. Day.

And now that I think about it, this is ONE HELL of a short summary man.

Take...crap I ran outta make believe numbers..Let's use letters!!!

OH.
MY.
FREAKING.
GAWD.
We threw a tampon at the guy that I wuvvv [even though he hates me....] It was so hilarious, at first I was expecting a scream or something but nada. I just like went to go see what was happening and he had *THE* cutest laugh and smile. It was laugh your ass off funny. So funny I'm actually wasting my time blogging about it. And we just kept picking it up and throwing it at him, and it wasn't like hahaha funny it was like HAHAHA funny. The kind of funny where you actually feel like you can laugh like a psycho, which I did =] He just kept like running away from it and like dodging it with his ninja skills =P Of course! People make fun of me cause I like him, and at this point I'm just like swearing at dem and like pushing them against walls. But one day man...I swear to god one day...one day he's gonna be my b/f =] and then I'll be da one making fun of those single losers! It's gonna be a helluh long time till that, but some things are worth waiting for, even if that means throwing tampons in the mean time ;-) He's just da cutest, nicest, sweetest, most awesomest guy ever. EVER. Haha sorry bout that folks, got a lil' over board there for a sec. U know how it is...u....don't?? Oh...never mind them....

Take One Jillion Four Mil..-aw whatever alreadii

I know my last post was "Heart Broken" but whatevers, can't help but wuv your crush on valentines day right? Just so it would suck a little less. I got him a valentines day card which was like 3 bucks, which is pretty *beeeeping* expensive for a card, but I guess it was worth it. Until this Dick face ass hole took his card and made fun of him, along with alotttta other people. And you know how people call me violent? I know silly right? Well I just wanted to see if these guys thought that too...apparently...they did. Who woulda thunk it? All I did was push them against the wall, you know...just to see if they could see it too. But I don't know, I guess I still like him. Hahaha who am I kiddin'? He's da luv of my life, my pathetic lil' life XD. What's just da cutest thing is the way he panicks when I put his stuff in the girls bathroom =P. I told him he should've told me who he liked, but nopes, he just had to disagree with me. But unlike all the shit I did to the other j@ck@$$3$ at my school you know, like pushing them down stairs, throwing their shoes off railings, giving "light taps" on the shoulder, and of course the classic water "spill" in embarassing places :P. Instead I just put his stuff in the girls bath room and watch him try to get it back. Pretty hilarious. Valentines was pretty nice, except for some man whores and girl sluts that ruined all of it for me, but whatevers right? Hahaha no! Right...just...kidding. =] Of courseness. As usual it was just another " happy single awareness day". Still can't stop thinking bout him and his smile, his laugh, and his tennis racket that I stole ;-).

Heart Broken

I feel like someone ripped my heart out, threw it on the ground, and ran it over with a tow truck. How could I have been so stupid? To think that he could've liked *me*? Psh.. I guess I really was delusional. I know you're supposed to learn from your mistakes, but for once, I don't want it to be a mistake. It started off as a stupid rumor, him liking me, but like then I got to know him more, and he was really this awesome person that I never really noticed till some people brought it to my attention. But like..I don't know why I liked him so much...he was different, and in a good way. Even though he rejected me, I still smile when I think about him, but it's not in the way I used to, now it's just full of like....regret and sorrow. If someone got a gun and shot me right now...I'd pretty much be okay with that. Especially how all your friends say how he's stupid if he doesn't like me and he's missing out a great person...but I don't buy that bull shit...I think they all saw this coming but I guess they all saw how happy I was and they didn't want that to end. I know he's probably like going to read this blog eventually, and when he does that's just great. Cause then maybe he'll know HOW MUCH i luved him. Obviously enough to blog about it. But I guess that... he's *just* a guy. He's *just* another stupid little crush. He's *just* another mistake. And I'm *just* not good enough for him. And if you're reading this right now [ you know who you are] hope I forget you as easily as you forgot me.

*Sighz...* Take One Billion Three Hundred Thirty Two

I feel like a complete and total idiot, in a good way..if that's possible. Someone....I'm not saying who :-/ hid his stuff in the girl's bathroom. Which was really funny, because it was really in an empty locker XD. It was soooo cute and funny the way he was all panicky and looking for his laptop case, his planner, and his english binder =]. It's funny the way he smiles, even when he's all pissy. It's cute the way he's pissy, cause it's like... he doesn't really get mad, it's just idk. I ran outta words. I think this was one of the most best crushes I've ever had. Who knew someone could make you smile so much, even when you're at your worst.

*Sighz* Take 2...and Action!

Still can't stop thinking about him =] He's so cute too :P I have to restrain myself from hugging him, cause he doensn't like me, haha but it'd be so freaking awesome if he did! Then I wouldn't have to pretend to talk to my friend, when really I'm staring at his smile, which is still, cuter than ever :D He needs to take a hint already, like a clue should just hit him like BAM! His voice is so sweet and innocent, and he's so nice! There's not a day I don't think about him XD He should just come up to me and hug me =] then atleast one of my stupid lil fantasies would have come true. He won't tell me who he likes though which is like a sign or something....like a hidden message..something like...screw you @$$h0l3. But it's the nicest bitchy hidden message I could ever get from someone. =] i know how it's sooo stupid of me going through guy phase over and over again, but I can't help but pretend that he could actually like me..right? I have like this much of a chance with him ---> . <----- But that's better than nothing. Even though I'm always such a freaking j@ck@$$ to him, it's cause I can't think of a better way to hide my feelings for him. =] He'd file a restraining order against me if he knew *I* liked him...you know...considering it's me. But till that day he likes me too I'll be here waiting, and blogging my demented little daydreams =p

*Sighz*

It's official, I've been diagnosed with love sickness. It's like cupid got an arrow....no... it's more cupid got a sledgehammer.... This guy is so incredibly nice, and he never makes you feel stupid and awkward, even if you are stupid and awkward. He makes me want to hug him every time he smiles, he's just like an awesomely awesome teddy bear ! And OMG WHEN HE DOES SMILE *Faints*. His smile is like soooo... sweet and innocent and CUTE =]. He's an actual living breathing decent guy =]=]=] I can't help but act like a freaking weirdo mega geek that smiles like an idiot around him. So what if he's not the most popular guy, he's really sweet, and funny. But he needs to take a hint goddamit!!! I know he likes someone, and I know it's not me, but it would be so awesome if it was *sighz*, I can't wait for the day that he waits for me to come online, and he blogs about my smile, and the day that he imagines me hugging him... And lemme tell you, that's a moment worth waitin for =]

Falling leaves that need to be caught

Some times it feels like everything and everyone depends on you…. It's like everyone's complaining to you about their problems when maybe it's you that needs the most attention right now. In the fall, all the leaves are bound to fall from their branches. You're apparently supposed to catch them all. So there you, panting as you run to catch ever leaf in your hand, you're tired, and you just want to get a bag to catch all of the leaves, but no, you're supposed to catch them all. The thing is, you can't. No one can. It's not a matter of how strong you are, or how smart you are, but there are some things you can't depend on one person to do, especially if 50 billion other people expect that one person to do the same. Whether you're falling or not, stop for a second to think about the person you're depending on to catch you, maybe it's them that needs to be caught.

Luckii days

Is it just me or am I having ALOT of bad days lately and like 1 lucky day out of like 365. Maybe it's like Karma * cue scary music * or maybe God just hates me. Me?? Pshhhh no way, not me! But what's stupid is that I depend on these " lucky days " to bail me out of tough times that I should be ready for. I mean sure, sometimes things go your way and sometimes they don't, and that's just how it works, but lately I've been like hoping every night before I go to bed that I'll have a lucky day tomorrow. I think that I can't depend on something that just comes and go's, but I need to be more prepared and ready for anything, no matter what it is, math trials, english debates, or a giant backpack attached to a necklace being hurtled at me ( you know who you are o.O ). I gotta do some growing up, and I gotta know that these are once in a lifetime days that I'm wishing for, and that just cause I go whining to God how much everything sucks right now, I still gotta get over it, and just move on. Sometimes you just have to expect the unexpected and once you feel like you're totally ready, and your self confidence is like over the chart, you know you can take on anything. Don't hope for a lucky day, make your own.

Outta my head

Ugh, just when you think you finally got that incredibly stupid crush out of your head, you find it floating in the back of your mind. *Whack Whack* It's bad enough I had to go through all of the pain of rejection, but to have to go through it again?!?!? Now that's suicide. It's almost as if I don't WANT to like this person, but I'm being FORCED to like this person. At first I just thought I was idiot for liking this person, and then I just started feeling like an idiot because I never stopped thinking of him, and then I felt like an idiot for even considering that I had a chance, and then I just figured out that I was an idiot. Go figure huh? But I just can't stop thinking about the way he laughs and the way he smiles, and then I remembered the whole idiot process, and then I'll get over him for what seems to have been 3 weeks turns out to be like 3 seconds. I know, "mentally challenged" pshhhh more like " guy challenged". Might as well just give it up, billions of anorexic girls are all over him every day, why be one of them? I'll be the dorky social reject who sits in the corner and blogs my problems. And of course I'll pretty much think of him every second of my pathetic miserable life and he probably won't consider me any more than just " that girl ". But I like to think that I've made an inspirational impact on his life, to compare someone like me to pretty people. Hahaha. Sorry that was just like a zoning out moment. Whooo... ANYWAYS it's not that Ihate him and it's not like I'm in love with him....well not I'm aware of...but he's just there...and I'm just here...

I'm such a freak :P

Oh my gawd it's totally official, I'm *such* a freak! There's something to cheer about, I know right? Lately I've been dancing randomly and acting like a spaz in front of every freaking person I know! Don't you just wanna act like a retard in front of people who KNOW you're a retard? Uhm..YEA. It's just like BAM WHAM KA-POW SNAP!!! I guess it's just another one of those tween ways to cover up the emo tears you're hiding inside...And while I'm hiding those tears I'm going to sing into a hairbrush and jump off a bed into a screaming crowd of teddy bears!!!! Which hurts!! Trust me I've tried it!! I'm a total lunatic getting high off of those scented markers and then screaming " SOMETHING SURE SMELLS LIKE LEMONS IN HERE BABY" just so people can shout "GET OFF THE FREAKING TABLES YOU RETARD" and I'm just there smiling like an idiot falling off the table and saying " I'm ok people, don't worry about me...nooo...please come back...I miss you already.." *tear*. And then you have those SKINNY scented markers that if you're not careful they will totally get shoved into your nose an the whole day you'll be whiffing dog crap and you'll still smell the lemoney freshness of sceneted markers. BAM HONEY. Ok I'm sorry for wasting your time, I was merely documenting my spaz moment for ya'll, and myself, just in case I ever wanted to look at the idiot I once was, and always will be. Now THAT'S being patriotic to you're own religion! Idiotism! GO RETARDS!!!! WHOOOOOT!!!

Where's my happy ending?

I know you're supposed to wait for you happy ending, just like how those fairytale princesses waited for their prince in shining armor to arrive at their tower, but how much longer can i wait? It's like everyone around me is falling in love, while I'm just...falling. Don't you just hate falling? Especially for guys you know aren't in to you, but you still have that stupid lilttle fantasy dream that your prince charming will totally fall in love with you, the ugly step sister. Sorry girls but those kinds of happy endings only happen in fairy tales, and that's a lesson I had to learn the hard way. Of course the Barbie's and the Ken's will live in their Barbie Dreamhouse, but what about me? What ever happened to the down to earth girl who every guy loved and adored? Hell man, what am I talking about, I ain't either of those girls. I think I'll always be just "that" girl. It just seems like lately it's all I can ever think about, because I keep getting crushed by the so called love of my life. Is it just me, or am I the most pathetic piece of flesh left on this earth ?!?! Hmm....I think it *is* just me. I think the hardest part is, is having friends who are so pretty, so awesome, so much...*better* than you, and when they get their happy endings, it just makes me feel like the pile of crap they step on. It's just too hard to be happy for someone who got your happy ending. But who am I to stand in their way? Yes yes yes I AM jealous, but BITE ME. You can't blame me for just once, just *once* for wanting something, and actually...getting it. I guess that's how it works, two people, fall in love, and they live happily ever after. But for some people, you just live with those dried up tears on your cheeks. Because for all they know, those dried up tears were never really there...