The Love that was not ever there, Had yet to leave.

I feel like I need some..."closure". Do you remember that guy I told you about? [ Uhm.. no I don't know if I'm referring to my blog or the people reading it ] But okay let me "replenish" your minds. He's my best buddAY, and he sure knows how to do the cholo XD j/k, but he's really funny and NICE! Real living nice guys....how weird? And we all thought that stero-type didn't exist. Surprise Surprise! I know I'm such a softy when it comes to...let's just call it "confessions" or "venting" on my blog. Outside of my blog it's just like ALL OUT BEAST! But for now I'm a beluga singing my little confession whale songs to...I guess Stalking Strangers? MARINE ANIMALS UNITE! XD Anyways, so uhm.. he made it pretty clear that we weren't gonna be anything more then friends. But like, most of the time when I get rejected the...what did I call it...Uhm..Heart breaking Heart ache, yep that's it, usually goes away by now. But it's just so UGH! It's like...I'm like being such a freaking weirdo freak! I try SO HARD to impress him or something, I know it's total crap. I just feel like I NEED to be good enough for him. And maybe I am, but I'm like obsessive over him. I can't even explain in words known to (wo)man how much I love him =D. It's just killing me inside. Its such an easy thing to let go, but I DON'T KNOW WHY I CAN'T. The worst part is, I get jealous of the girls he hangs out with??! EVEN I KNOW THAT'S LAME. I just feel like SUCH A LOSER. I don't STAND A CHANCE why am I even *obsessing* over this shit? It's freakin' tearing me apart! It's like this feeling that you had a chance, and in the end it kind of ruins you. But I like him a again. Ugh. Why is it that I have NO CONTROL over MY OWN FEELINGS? I know I'm a psycho maniac. Even you didn't have to point that out. But it's like I'm losing myself in my own emotions! AHHHHHH.... But I just CAN'T HELP IT. Wait which smiley do I use?? =D or -_- or :'(??? I just don't know what to do anymore. And that really scares me.

A shoulder to Cry on.

For anyone who's ever had one of those Daniel Powter Bad days before, I honestly sympathize for you. Cause I know how crappy a bad day can be. Like somedays you're just like all cheerleader peppy. Two, Four, Six, Eight, Who do we appreciate? Not you! Not you! Me, Me, ME! But then other days you're like the crash after an energy drink, and you're crying sitting on the bathroom floor totally clueless, and you're just like, "Dude, what the hell is wrong with me today?". Honestly I have yet to find a cure for this socially murder of a disease. But you'll live. Oo0o0o..That sounds mean. I *Meant* you'll be fine, as long as you have a shoulder to cry on. I'm not encouraging anyone to do anything stupid like draw anttention to yourself by making up some stupid fantasy pity story. I've tried that, and it just makes you feel guilty, and your friends feel obligated to act like they care for a good solid 30 seconds. You can't do anything to stop tears from falling down your face. Like seriously, what's worse then crying in a bathroom? Not crying at all. Then you'll end up as some mad psycho who cries and hyperventilates every 3 days because you just couldn't..."let it out" when you needed to. Sometimes it's good to just...vent, because of something that happened and you never really realized how much it actually hurt you, until the waterworks started leaking. And I just love LOVE like OBSESS over how much I love hearing " Are you okay? ". ESPECIALLY when I'm not. It's like they can see right through you, and past your mask and who you're trying to be. And it makes you feel so relived, like you have someone to lean on. Like someone who will *try* to catch you while you try to commit suicide by falling from a 23 story building. And they'll feel better that you landed on them, instead of that nice, fuzzy, cozy, plushy-ful pillow right next to you. When they ask you if you're okay, when you are, it makes you feel like you're cared about. Someone cares about you! They love you! Stalker Fan Club whoopee! The point is, never let an oppurtunity to lend a shoulder to cry on, slip by.

To be like...everyone else?

o0o0o0o0o0oahhhHHHHHH!!

Life is like a.....ride.
HA. How many times have you heard that one? I can answer that one, three thoursand kajillion four hundred twenty-...alot. But what about this one?
Rejection is like a.....rollercoaster?
I know, lame lame lame. But think about it, (this blog is not responsible for loss of brain cells or lack of common sense to not think harder then you know you can.) But rejection can be kinda fun the first couple of times. Well of course it's not FUN fun, but it's like...exciting. Sure you go through the depression, dissapointment and heart aching heart break =[, but like, it's invigorating, how you get excited over a new crush or your next love at first sight. Some people like the feel of the rush of the rollercoaster, and then some people like the rush from being alone and pitiful, to lil miss sunshine and a lil miss stalker. It feels great to *feel* like something great it coming your way. Like when you're on a rollercoaster, you know that the big hill/slope/curve (ohbaby) is coming. It scares the shit outta you, but you're happy-nervous at the same time. Oh yes, I like to analyze or as some people call it, "over analyze" alot of things. But the O0O0OOO0O0 of a rollercoaster is like shaky nervous, and you're expecting the unexpected, but the AHHHHHHHH is just the fun part. With love, if there wasn't rejection, then there'd never be an AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!