OhMyGoshness! I'm....obsessed?

OkeyDokey peoples, I totally left you hanging with my "mystery guy" posts. Don't you think it's been a while? I mean like *SERIOUSLY*. Dude my first post 'bout him was February 10th. And now it's...April 22nd? I think it is....I guess it is. Well ANYWAYS, either I'm TOTALLY obsessed with him, or I just like him SOOOOOOO much. For those who have not yet learned my love scale it's time that I shared the love scale with you people. On the bottom of the scale you have your Not-Reallys and your Not-At-Alls. Moving upwards you have your Sorta-Kindas and your Ehhhhhhsss..... Up, up, and away! Now your at the Hmmm and this is when your in your "Consideration Mode". Its when you're like considering him as a crush. Which is the nextttt level. Moving on, you have your Crushes and your Awww mode. Next is the OHMYGOSHNESS obsessive mode and there's the "sigh mode". What do you do when you think of him? *Sighhh....* I know what you're thinking, what could POSSIBLY be after the OHMYGOSHNESS obsessive mode? The Stalker mode! This is when you try to find out everything about him...in a ninja kinda way. And then you reach the last level. There's two endings. The "OhMyGoshness he asked me out" and then there's the "Am I not good enough for him?....OhMyGawd I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM *tear*" (Notice the Gawd instead of Goshness. This is a serious self depression mode. It's nothing to make fun of. HAHHAHAHA jk.) Then you break up and the Love Scale starts all over again. Or you could vow never to like a guy again. Or you could end up a worthless hobo on the streets still thinking about how one guy ruined your life. Now honestly, what seems like a more reasonable thing that would happen to you? ANYWAYSSSSSSSSSSSS It's been over 2 months with this "mystery guy". And I think I'm at the last level of the love scale. Which is the self depression mode. Yes people I know this is pathetic for me. OhMyGoshness the only thing that's been on my mind is, what's wrong with me? Am I fat? Ugly? TOO MUCH OF A NINJA STALKER?? All my friends are like...Are you okay? And in my mind it's just like NO NO NO NO NO NO NO, and all I can say is, "I'm Fine". Am I the only one that can see how bad of a person I am? I'm deceiving all my friends and the freaking guy himself to making it seem like it doesn't matter to me. But this is like so important to me, it's like I care about this so much you can't even imagine the times I started crying in school. Mostly cause of my friend though. We we're laughing and then I ran into a trashcan. XD WhoopsyDaisy. Should I give up? Or should I just....keep on liking this guy? I don't know......I've done some pretty stupid extreme things. Let's see...I went anorexic for a while thinking that I was too fat for any guy....Well anywys, PRETTY PLEASE comment back on this post. Lemme know what you think? Is it a keep on going, or a just forget it?

Not good enough...?

Doesn't it just piss you off? Like *SO* *MUCH*. When you try your absolute best, but no one cares? I mean like you acomplish something and someone acomplishes something even better, and then all of a sudden you're left there standing in the dust waiting for someone to notice you exist. People should never forget the normal people who also make a difference. They're voting for end of the school year awards for people who are smart, overachievers that are nice to people and do community service. Guess what category I go under? HAHAHAHA none of them. And even if I was, would anybody care? Uhm...no. Nobody voted for me...whoopee. That just says like so much about me. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for those smart nice people, but what about us? I mean if we don't get voted for, if I don't get voted for, does that mean that I'm not as important or as *good* as those people who did? I try hard at school even if it doesn't show, I'm nice to people even if it doesn't show, and I care about community service even if noone cares. It's like I'm waving signs at you, I'm shouting at people to listen, it's like People I'm trying to show you that I'm a good person but how can I show you I'm a good person if...nobody cares? Now it's like starting to sound like I have some kinda big ego, like I think of myself like I'm some kind of perfect lil princess that everyone loves. Uh HELL NO. Like seriously I've never gotten an award in my life, and I'm guessing that has something to do with like not being good enough for a piece of freaking metal with my name on it. But it's like important to me. Like I have a low self esteem and i just need something, anything to prove that I'm a good person, that I can be a good person. You want to hear my accomplishments? Well I don't have any. The only one I have is probably that I do alot of community service, I did over 20 hours at the library helping with the summer reading program, and I did this pool clean up thing, and now I'm trying to start a Cellphone for Soldiers program at my school. Not that anyone cares. And at swim team I kill myself, like I literally kill myself trying to keep up with other people, at swim meets I try my best and I still don't get my time just so I can face the humiliation of everyone else. But noone cares. It sounds like I want attention, and I don't. But it's not selfish of me to just want a little attention. Everyone's praising the smart nice people, but what about me? Yea like seriously, What about me? Nothing. Nothing special. And obviously I'm not good enough. And I really think that I'm not good enough for myself. I really need to prove to myself that I'm a good person and that I'm not the only one who thinks that. But once again, nobody cares. Not even me.

Canada.... u B****

My best friend from swim team since forever MIGHT MOVE. WTFH? AND TO WHERE??? CANADA??? NUH UH HELLLLLLL NO! Dude I effin love her. She's my BEST FRIEND. No no no you people do not understand, she is my BEST. FRIEND. I cannot emphasize dat enough, well... I could but den i'd have to change the font, and i'm too lazii to. If she moves I will cry my heart out :'( She's my bestie and we've done so many stupid things together it's hard to imagine a life where we won't be stuck in a mcdonalds drive thru XD Lmfao [inside joke]. I remember the time we went to subway and dis asian hispanic lady was like TOMATOES?? TOMATOES?? U WANT TOMATOES??? and my friend was like NO GODDAMMIT I DON'T WANT NO TOMATOES! And the lady paused... then she's like okay I give u 2 tomatoes =] And then there was the imaginary car drive thru. Wit Lani and dem they 'drove' thru the mcdonalds drive thru and honked their horn and was like would u like to some fries in a French accent. And constantly changing countries XD. We also went thru gay times. Like where she got DQed at the meet when the guy told her to step down? Not cool Bitch! She is an awesome swimmer! She kicks...water! She is a hard worker dat's afraid of pervy swim coaches and lethal coaches. And we'll never forget the Kaneohe Hoeee who dare talk about us behind our backs. She thought we were so stupid we couldn't hear what she was hearing, or atleast understand. Poor poor hoe. " Stupid Kailua Kids " Ha and she thought we couldn't understand english. Dude we're not hearing defficient. Anyways. I'll miss her so much, and I sympathize for u hun! Cause I love you! And I'm sorry for the time that I nearly killed u playing that game of leap frog at swim team when I first met you XD Who knew I'd miss?