I am feeling kind of lost.

I am feeling kind of lost.
Footsteps all surround me,
I try to find my own,
I get tangled up in everyone's paths,
Our paths intertwine,
Like knots in shoelaces,
They're knots that I'd never untie,
Circling around,
I pace to find it,
Where all the knots become one,
Circling around,
I pace to find it,
I pace to find the unknown.
I am feeling kind of lost.

Ugh.

Sometimes...
I feel so betrayed and hurt.
Sometimes it feels as if I have had been SO hurt that I don't even try to touch the wound anymore.
It's not even a wound, it's a GASH and no one even cares even to try and make it better.
I am so done putting in all the effort, I have given up trying.
I am so done putting up with everyone's shit.
I am so sick of looking like the bad person.
I am NOT the bad person.
No one even cares about me.
No one truly even cares about me.
Because the people I thought once cared about me the most...
well it was all a lie.
Everything was a lie.
It was silly of me to believe it wasn't.
Everyone ends up leaving in the end.
And everyone ends up stabbing you right in the heart right before they leave too.

Fighting.

"Why am I still fighting? Why doe it feel like I'm the only one fighting to keep everyone in my life? Why does it feel more like I'm fighting to keep myself in everyone else's life? people are wrong about war. If you're the only one left fighting on the battlefield, it doesn't make you the winner, it in fact makes you the loser. Why won't anyone fight for me? why won't anyone else fight for me to be in their lives? Why should I have to be the one to fight? I get nothing out of it. I am so frustrated with everything and my life. I don't understand how the people who were so close to me can now watch me fall to pieces. You used to be there to make sure I never fell, and if anything that you were there to catch, me. You used to make it seem like it was impossible to see me unhappy or hurt. You felt that way because you cared about me. Now when you see me, you just feel bad. Not that you don't care about me, I bet you do, but you don't do anything. I am important. I'm sure I am, but not as important. I can never be again what I once was to all of you."

Greed. (Finders Keepers)

"Sometimes it feels as if everyone is leaving. They used to all be there and no matter how greedy it seems, I wanted to keep them forever. We can't all get what we want in life, but I really wanted to. I wanted to have it all. I wanted it because I don't know if I could be by myself with out it all. Nothing feels the same anymore. It used to all be so different. I used to always preach about happiness, and I finally realized that it was easy to preach because I already had it. I was happy and content and care free. What happened to the people I used to depend on the most? Why does it always feel as if I'm the only fighting? Sometimes it just feels as if I'm the only one who cares enough to fight. I know I'm not alone. I know there are a lot of people who are there for me, but I still feel so alone. Why. I just want to know why. Why can't I let myself try to be happy? I did try. And I was almost okay, and I almost had that one moment of care free bliss. But within an instance, it was gone and I have no idea why I let it go, and if it was even in my power to let it go. Maybe, deep down inside I know that I'm not going to try and feel better again because I will always be this greedy.I will always want so many things and i know I'm not going to be happy without them. I'm a greedy person. I know greed corrupts us all...."

Break Down.

So I learned that trying to keep everything together is not the same thing as actually having everything together. Everything built up and I couldn't stop it, I just finally broke down in the bathroom at school. It felt horrible. My eyes got all red and swollen and it just really sucks. I feel so helpless sometimes...I can't help it. I honestly wish I could get away from everyone. I feel horrible because I always get hurt..& it's just so easy for me to get hurt by someone. I'm really really fragile right now, and I feel like within an instance I could just break.

Again.

If you can even break more then once.

What else is there left to break.

The pieces left?