The Love that was not ever there, Had yet to leave.

I feel like I need some..."closure". Do you remember that guy I told you about? [ Uhm.. no I don't know if I'm referring to my blog or the people reading it ] But okay let me "replenish" your minds. He's my best buddAY, and he sure knows how to do the cholo XD j/k, but he's really funny and NICE! Real living nice guys....how weird? And we all thought that stero-type didn't exist. Surprise Surprise! I know I'm such a softy when it comes to...let's just call it "confessions" or "venting" on my blog. Outside of my blog it's just like ALL OUT BEAST! But for now I'm a beluga singing my little confession whale songs to...I guess Stalking Strangers? MARINE ANIMALS UNITE! XD Anyways, so uhm.. he made it pretty clear that we weren't gonna be anything more then friends. But like, most of the time when I get rejected the...what did I call it...Uhm..Heart breaking Heart ache, yep that's it, usually goes away by now. But it's just so UGH! It's like...I'm like being such a freaking weirdo freak! I try SO HARD to impress him or something, I know it's total crap. I just feel like I NEED to be good enough for him. And maybe I am, but I'm like obsessive over him. I can't even explain in words known to (wo)man how much I love him =D. It's just killing me inside. Its such an easy thing to let go, but I DON'T KNOW WHY I CAN'T. The worst part is, I get jealous of the girls he hangs out with??! EVEN I KNOW THAT'S LAME. I just feel like SUCH A LOSER. I don't STAND A CHANCE why am I even *obsessing* over this shit? It's freakin' tearing me apart! It's like this feeling that you had a chance, and in the end it kind of ruins you. But I like him a again. Ugh. Why is it that I have NO CONTROL over MY OWN FEELINGS? I know I'm a psycho maniac. Even you didn't have to point that out. But it's like I'm losing myself in my own emotions! AHHHHHH.... But I just CAN'T HELP IT. Wait which smiley do I use?? =D or -_- or :'(??? I just don't know what to do anymore. And that really scares me.