Poor Dying Trees.

Have you ever felt like you were absolutely hopeless? It's like you see one of those dying trees, I mean it's dying for gods sake. Technically it's alive, but technically it was always dying. Kind of like us huh? I mean we're alive, but technically we're just dying every minute. There are things we do to help our life span increase, but in the end we all just rise, fall, and hopefully rise again. But I just feel so hopeless because my mess up is remaining messed. up. I can't blame it on anyone but myself, because technically I was the one who messed it up in the first place. And this is bad, I mean this is REAL bad for me to even feel this way, but I just feel like it's not ALL. MY. FAULT. But when I slap myself back into reality, I realize that ohemgee, it totally frikkin is. But it's just like, everything was said, everything was brought to the table, but at the same time, I bite my tongue SO HARD that it's bleeding out the words and silent screams that I can't even utter myself. There are just things that I want, or need to say, but at this point I don't know which one it is. If I say them, and it's taken the wrong way, then I pretty much just messed up my mess up even more. Sometimes I wish that other people could think and see things the way I did, but I'm scared that if they did, they would hate me even more. I'm such a horrible person and friend. People can handle me, they can't take me, and I guess one way or the other I screw them over even if I had no intention to do so. But all I ask this time is not an apology, not a dramatic leave, not some tragic sob story, I just ask, no I BEG on my hands and knees for forgiveness. We can never truly forgive and forget, but maybe that's what makes it so great, that once you forgive, the things you can't forget help you move on.