Eating me alive from the inside.

It feels as if I’m being eaten alive from the inside out. I thought I was getting better. I thought I was improving. I mean, I had taken all the right steps. I was doing everything that I was supposed to do. I don’t understand how this is happening, or why. What am I doing wrong? Where do I go from here? How do I get better? I can’t keep pretending that things are going to get better. I can’t live a lie and hope that one day that lie becomes the truth. It’s like how you can’t pretend you’re happy, and hope that one day you’ll just become happy. Life is real. And every part of it has to be real too. I can’t run away anymore either. I can’t keep running away and hiding and ‘taking breaks’ every time life becomes too hard and I can’t handle things anymore. I can’t just drop everything and everyone and move on either. So I’m running out of options. I don’t understand how I can be doing so well but not feeling so well about it. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do -where I’m supposed to go from here. All I know is that, this isn’t okay right now. And really, all I want to do is take a break from the world, run and hideaway.